


The Very Specific Thrill of Boot Meeting Face

by Kageyamallama



Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: I just wanted to write the duo doin their thing, Its an adventure, Magical Adventure, kickin ass and givin sass, lots of fighting and blood, oc villian characters, villains bein stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2020-05-31 15:21:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19428688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kageyamallama/pseuds/Kageyamallama
Summary: They're going to save the world...Probably





	1. Fistfight

**Author's Note:**

> Edited 22/04/2020: Just a few mistakes and scene re-writes.  
> Hallo,  
> This was originally published under my 'Valduggery for Every Occasion' series but I decided to take down the chapters, edit them and post it as a new fic.  
> My valduggery fanfiction from years ago is highly cringeworthy.  
> Not really sure where this story sits within the order of the books. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> Nevertheless, enjoy.

Skulduggery Pleasant bent down to pick up his hat. A nice hat like that, he thought, doesn’t belong in the dirt. He dusted it off a little before placing it back on his skull, making sure it sat at the right angle as he turned to look at Valkyrie, who was just as flawless now than before the brawl – bloody nose and all. She was staring at him and he tilted his head in question. She looked away swiftly, letting loose hair fall into her face.

"You have a little something." Skulduggery pointed out, "Just there."

Valkyrie wiped at her nose, her hand coming away red with blood. She groaned and tried to flick the blood off her fingers, but the red liquid stayed put, she cursed as she wiped it off on her pants in defeat.

"You could try being a little less obvious with that, you know." Skulduggery commented.

"Huh?" Valkyrie sounded, leaving the comically large pile of unconscious bodies behind her as she turned from his seemingly quizzical gaze to walk over to the Bentley, Skulduggery hot on her heels.

"You know, all that staring you've been doing recently? I don't really mind, but I already know I’m pretty, so there’s no need for the constant reminders."

She climbed into the passenger seat, with a pointed roll of her eyes, and Skulduggery followed as he smoothly pulled open the door to the driver's side, effortlessly sliding into the black leather. 

Valkyrie couldn't tell which was smoother, his voice or his movements.

"You're doing it again."

"I am not." Valkyrie lamely retorted.

"Are too." Skulduggery replied, being his usual childish self.

"Now you're just being immature. You skeleton."

"I am _indeed_ a skeleton."

Valkyrie ignored him, turning to look outside the window instead, directing her gaze to the passing lights and buildings of the city rushing past, the scenery melting into a blur as Skulduggery sped through the streets.

Long silent minutes flew by until they became long silent hours. Valkyrie stared out of the window until familiarity leaked back into her vision. The drive back to Skulduggery's place wasn’t too far from the outskirts of town, but the added distance from where their last fight was, and the awkwardness of their last conversation made the drive seem heavy and long. Valkyrie craved for home, a hot shower and sleep, but a long night of writing sanctuary official reports for their ‘sanctuary official jobs’ loomed ahead of them.

Skulduggery parked the Bentley in front of his house, turning to look at Valkyrie.

"What's wrong with you?" He questioned as he pulled the keys out of the ignition.

"What do you mean?" She replied, refusing to meet the overbearing stare of his empty eye sockets.

"You've been acting weird lately."

"How so?"

"The staring for starters."

Valkyrie had suddenly found an intense interest in her shoes and stayed silent; she was too tired to get into this.

"There's nothing wrong." Valkyrie tried. You can't blame her for that.

"You can't tell right now but I'm raising my eyebrows skeptically."

"If you turn your façade on, I'd have a visual."

Skulduggery grunted in agreement. They sat in the Bentley awkwardly, letting the tension of their conversation hang over their heads. Like a snap, Valkyrie was the first to move, unclipping her seatbelt lightning fast and making a break for the door handle. But years of experience and naturally fast reflexes payed off as Skulduggery was too quick for her, locking her in just before she could pull the handle.

"Hey!" Valkyrie exclaimed as she tried to open the door, pulling at the handle, irritated.

"You are going to sit here with me until you finally tell me what's been going on with you. You're not leaving until you tell me." Skulduggery replied firmly.

Valkyrie glared for a moment until her eyes focused on something behind his skull.

"What is with the staring? Is there something on my face? Has my skull been sitting weird? It's been doing that for ages, I thought you would have noticed by now. Am I just too pretty? All these years with me and you're still taken with my attractiveness."

"Uh... Skulduggery?" She jerked her head to the broken piece of wood that hung where the door used to be. He didn’t notice her gesture, keeping on with his speech.

"You should really tell me about what's going on. What happens if we're fighting some evil mastermind and you drag your teenage angst into it? I'll have to save you. Again. It's very alarming how much I have to step in to rescue you, some would say that I'm a terrible mentor. You should listen to me sometimes; you're going to get yourself killed."

"Can we talk about this later? We have more pressing issues to worry about."

"My dear Valkyrie, what could possibly be more pressing than your imminent demise?" Skulduggery replied in a confident manner.

"Breaking and entering?" Valkyrie questioned and Skulduggery whipped around to face the front of his house.

"Buggeration." Skulduggery exclaimed, "We _WILL_ be coming back to this." He warned, unlocking the car before he slid out.

"Looking forward to it," Valkyrie mumbled as she did the same.

Valkyrie sauntered up towards the sorry excuse for a door, intending to slip silently through the opening without alarming the intruder until she caught sight of Skulduggery outside of his untouched living room window. He raised his gloved fist to the glass.

"Skulduggery, what are you doing?" she whispered.

"Doors are for people with no imagination, I thought I taught you that already." He replied smartly, before adding, "Plus, if I'm hopeful that if I do more damage, the idiots at the insurance agency will give me more money, not that I really need it. I'm making excuses. I just really want to punch a window."

Before Valkyrie could say anything, Skulduggery's fist flashed forward, crashing through the pane of glass, closely followed by the rest of his skeletal frame. Valkyrie shook her head in amusement and slipped through what once was Skulduggery's front door, meeting him in the hallway.

"See anyone?"

"Or anything," Valkyrie added. "Don't be discriminative against inanimate objects."

"Or Nye."

"Why would Nye be here?"

"Maybe it got bored?"

"Stop talking about Nye. We _don't_ talk about Nye." Valkyrie huffed.

“Ah, yes.”

"Or vampires." Valkyrie tacked on.

Skulduggery raised one hand, reading the air.

"Whoever had the most unfortunate idea to break in is still here, somewhere upstairs."

"And what do you propose we do?"

Skulduggery said nothing as his hand reached for his gun and moved off to the stairs.

Valkyrie smiled, clicked her fingers to summon a handful of fire and moved with stealth to follow his trail.

Skulduggery didn’t need much of a house, he had no use for a kitchen as he had no need for eating and no “bedroom” per se, as he needed no sleep. He did, however, teach himself how to meditate into a sleep-like state. Which would explain why each of his rooms were furnished with big, comfy sofa-chairs instead of beds.

Valkyrie went off to check the rooms on the left side of the top floor, leaving Skulduggery to check the rooms which held his own personal belongings.

Skulduggery busted through the closed door and a loud, piercing scream sounded from the furthest corner of the room. Instinctively, he fired, shots not intended to kill. But to wound. Severely. Wounds that might lead to death eventually, but Skulduggery could only hope.

Valkyrie appeared behind him a few seconds later, hands full of fire.

The screaming coming from the figure crouched in the corner of the room didn't stop until Valkyrie vanished her fire and Skulduggery lowered his gun. Moonlight from the window behind Valkyrie streamed in, illuminating the room with a silvery, dull light as the figure moved to stand. His hair was a dark black colour with purple hues streaking through, frantic green eyes looked between them both in fear. But none of that was noteworthy in contrast to his skin. His skin phased between different hues of colour, from red to blue to green to yellow until it seemingly settled on a deep shade of brown.

"Hello, Lucas." Skulduggery greeted, giving a little wave with his gun.

The man screeched in reply.

"Wait, you know him?" Valkyrie turned to Skulduggery, confusion on her face.

"Definitely not."

Lucas shrieked again.

"Can he speak?" Valkyrie asked, irritated with the noise.

"I can speak!" Lucas squealed, skin turning a light shade of red.

"Ah."

"What are you doing here, Lucas." Skulduggery asked and gestured around him with his gun.

"Looking."

"For what?"

"For what you stole."

Skulduggery remained silent for a moment before replying.

"I didn't steal anything."

"Yes, you did."

"I... borrowed it for a while..."

"Stole."

"I surprise borrowed it."

Lucas went back to screeching in frustration. Valkyrie wished Skulduggery had actually shot him.

"He needs to work on his social skills." Valkyrie murmured to Skulduggery underneath the screeching. Skulduggery nodded in agreement.

"You thieving bastard!" Lucas shouted as he suddenly leapt at Skulduggery, his skin turning to a violent, vibrant shade of violet in the process.

"Well, that's just rude." Skulduggery childishly responded, skilfully dodging the attack.

Valkyrie, on the other hand, wasn't quick enough to counteract him. She felt the slam of Lucas’ body into hers and she stumbled backward, unable to keep her balance with his added force. She burned with the colour of his skin, violent pain swam through her veins, lighting up her nerve endings with intense agony. She barely even registered herself falling until she hit the grass with a heavy thud, broken pieces of glass from the window above showering her, Ghastly’s clothing protecting her from most of the sharp pieces.

It took a minute of complete stillness for the intrusive pain from Lucas’ magic to subside, when it did, Valkyrie could still feel the faint flicker of its effect under her skin, but she didn’t have much time to sit around. She concentrated on her magic instead, blocking out the burning still making its way through her system. Eyes closed, fingers flexing as she manipulated the air to shoot herself up through the now broken window, back to the fight.

Skulduggery was on his knees, Lucas’ hair in his bony grip as he brought his face down to slam on the floor. Blood sprayed out of his nose, staining the carpet as Skulduggery was muttering something about how much of a pain it’ll be to get the blood out. He didn’t notice Valkyrie as she hurled through the window, stand upright, promptly take her booted foot and slam it onto the back of Lucas’ head, getting Skulduggery’s fingers in the process.

Violence is fun, she thought, especially when it’s done to people who push other people out windows. Skulduggery grunted and withdrew his hand in unexpected pain.

Lucas turned a ghostly shade of sickly white and passed out, lying limply on the floor, blood leaked from his possibly broken nose.

"What in the buggery?" Skulduggery looked up at Valkyrie. "My poor fingers! What did they ever do to you?"

"They let me get pushed out a window." Valkyrie glared, watching as Skulduggery got on his feet, nursing his hand in an overdramatic manner.

"You should have moved, plus I was pre-occupied with trying to not fall out the window."

"You should have caught me." Valkyrie huffed.

"If I had eyes right now, I'd be rolling them."

"Like this?" Valkyrie rolled her eyes expertly, smug to one-up him.

"Yes, like that. Except I'd be better at it."

Valkyrie snorts.

"Who's this guy?" She asked as she kicked Lucas with the tip of her boot.

"His name is Lucas Hendrick and that's all you need to know."

"What did you steal from him?"

"I just said that's all you need to know."

"Skulduggery."

He hesitated.

"I believe I said I surprise borrowed it."

"What did you do?" Valkyrie demanded.

"I might have taken something extremely important to the Hendrick clan."

"Which was?"

"I took a very important _thing_ when they were busy attempting to destroy the world in the 1800's."

"I swear to GOD Skulduggery, so help me."

"I surprise borrowed a locket."

"A locket?" Valkyrie deadpanned. "What are you, a common thief?"

"It's engraved with unique magic, every generation in their family, up to the time I got my hands on it, took turns updating the engraving with their individual magic signature, after they experienced their respective surges. It's had centuries of raw magic poured into it. It's highly powerful. And dangerous."

"Oh."

"Yes. Highly magical artefact plus evil clan in the pursuit of world destruction equals disaster."

"So, what does it do exactly?"

"Haven't the foggiest."

"Skulduggery." Valkyrie warned, irritated.

Lucas stirred in his unconsciousness; his skin turned to a faint shade of pastel blue. His eyes snapped open and he inhaled sharply, like he’d been trapped underwater for several long, painful hours. His mouth opened to say something, but Valkyrie expertly kicked him in the face before he had the chance. There was a very specific thrill, she thought, of boot meeting face. He laid there, uselessly, a lifeless white once again.

"Good reflexes" Skulduggery complimented.

"I learned from the best."

"Thanks."

"I was talking about Tanith."

"Ah."

"So, what are we going to do with Lucas?"

"Kill him, probably."

Valkyrie gave Skulduggery a pointed look and Skulduggery shrugged in response.

"Okay, maybe not kill him, kill him. But we could shove him in ‘the basement’?"

"Sounds like a plan to me. I got his legs."

"You always get the legs." Skulduggery grumbled but moved to pick up Lucas by his ankles anyway.


	2. A Good Ol' Fashioned Adventure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there,  
> Before I posted the last chapter I was very hesitant about where I was going to take this story, and this was partly the reason why I hadn't posted it as a new story whenever I started working on it last year. But I am happy to report, to anyone who cares, that I have outlined the whole story and mapped out my OC villains.  
> Even though this work is just for funsies, I'm happy to be working on something in such detail again. :)
> 
> Enjoy!

Sticking Lucas in 'the basement' proved to be a more difficult task than originally thought. Dragging the lump of unconscious man down the stairs and towards the basement of the house was a challenge, to say the least, Valkyrie kept dropping him on his head.

"Can you please stop doing that." Skulduggery said after the third time Valkyrie had dropped him.

"I can't help it, he's heavy."

"Valkyrie you train with experts in combat and magic every day. You've saved the world at least twice. You're practically all muscle."

Valkyrie remained silent for a second, a look of satisfaction stretching over her dark features.

"You're doing this because he pushed you out a window, aren't you?"

"It was a long fall."

"Thought so."

"It hurt."

"Typical teenager, you all hold grudges."

"He _pushed me_ out of a _window_."

"When I was your age, getting pushed out of windows was _fun_."

Valkyrie glared and promptly dropped Lucas on his head once again.

'The basement', as Skulduggery called it, was a very tiny room underneath the stairs which was filled to the brim of the most useless and impulsive purchases he had ever made. Lucas was tied to a flimsy, plastic, pink chair, which commonly seated children, and was shoved in amongst the piles of stuff. Skulduggery had to push on the door it a few times before it would shut properly, pausing every few seconds to push offending items in from hanging out of the frame. Once it co-operated and shut completely, he locked it from the outside, and Valkyrie casted a quick withstand for good measure.

"Where did you stash the locket?" Valkyrie asked once she was sure the room was secure enough to hold him.

'Um." Skulduggery replied.

"Um?" She repeated, her voice doing that high-pitched thing voices do when stressed about a potentially missing, highly powerful, mystical, mystery locket.

"It should be somewhere around here."

"Somewhere!?"

"It was the 1700's Valkyrie. The 1700's!"

"That's like, a blink of an eye for you!"

"You're forgetting that I can't blink."

Valkyrie let out a noise of frustration and slumped over into the couch, letting herself experience the tiredness that she'd been pushing from her mind for hours now.

"Right. Well. You sit there, I'm going to find it."

Valkyrie nodded, her eyes closing with heaviness. Good dreams never befell her anymore, darkness slipped into every part of her life now, shadows waited around every corner for a chance at her. She supposed, if she tried really hard, she could get herself out of this life of world-saving and violence. But she also knew that she'd never be content living a normal life anymore. After all, she had wished for this. She'd seen what was on the other side of normal, she'd seen the adventure that was lurking behind the façade of ordinary and she was too invested in magic. Too obsessed with what she had been shown, of what happened when you looked passed the mundanities of a normal life. Valkyrie lost herself in these thoughts, cataloguing memories from previous day and reflecting until she finally, slipped beyond. The skeleton detective the last person she thought about before she fell into the hazy claims of sleep.

\---

Skulduggery, on the other hand, was having a particularly hard time finding the locket. He had rifled through everything in his hat room and his suit collection was suffering immensely as his immaculate, tailor-made suits were strewn all over the floor. He sat in the middle of the mess, looking around in defeat. He had looked through the chest of drawers he had kept adjacent to the mirror and so far, all he had found was a receipt for chilli fries. When in the hell had he purchased chilli fries? He didn't even eat, for goodness sake!

He'd done his fair share of moving since the 1700's, The War had started that year and had ended sometime around the 1900's. Had he lost it somehow? Skulduggery was starting to slightly panic, it was, after all, a highly powerful piece of magic; he was starting to wonder if it was not in his hands – whose had it fallen into?

He kept frantically rifling around in his stuff until the sun broke through the night. The birds singing in a new day and the normal, mortal world awoke once more.

\---

Valkyrie awoke just before sunrise, startling awake with a jolt and a slightly harsh intake of breath. Her nightmare slipped away into nothing as she, in a panic, wondered where she was, looking around the room wildly before she saw the broken glass of Skulduggery's front window and it all came rushing back to her – the fight, Lucas, the locket. The locket! She jumped up from the couch, sleep forgotten, and rushed off to find Skulduggery.

"Skulduggery!" She shouted up the stairs.

"Let me out." A voice sounded, rather pathetically, from 'the basement'.

Valkyrie stopped.

"Skulduggery!" She shouted; a tad more urgent.

"Please." The voice pleaded. "I really need to use the bathroom!"

"He's awake!" She shouted once more until she heard movement from above.

Skulduggery rushed down the stairs, took one look at Valkyrie and silently rushed off into the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" Valkyrie asked as she trailed behind him.

He opened the freezer and peered in to find nothing much of use, frozen meals for Valkyrie and some ice cubes.

"Looking in the freezer." He said as he stuck his hand in to push the contents around and stopped when his hand caught onto something cold and circular. Skulduggery pulled out the object, it was metallic and looked like a sheet of paper rolled up into a ball.

Valkyrie stared for a moment before speaking.

"Well, you should stop doing that. Come with me."

Before Skulduggery could say anything, she had grabbed onto his wrist and dragged him back to the living room, back to stand outside of 'the basement'. Giving Skulduggery barely enough time to shove the ball back into the freezer.

"He's awake," Valkyrie said.

"Oh."

"He needs the bathroom." She continued

"Not anymore." Lucas moaned, miserable.

Valkyrie and Skulduggery looked at each other for a second, Lucas' words sinking in.

"Oh god," Valkyrie remarked, looking disgusted.

"Oh god, indeed."

"I surrender, just please, let me out of here."

"That's so disgusting," Valkyrie commented.

Skulduggery and Valkyrie slowly opened the door of the basement, Lucas had fallen onto his back during his struggle to undo the ropes that bound him to the pink chair. He looked up at them pathetically.

"Right. Valkyrie, help him up."

"I'm not touching that." Valkyrie protested, wrinkling her nose in repugnance.

"That's fair." Skulduggery nodded in defeat and, with a sigh, helped Lucas up himself.

Lucas gagged a little as he was pushed back up, into a sitting position with all four legs of the chair meeting the ground.

"Did you just gag?" Skulduggery asked as he undid the bindings around Lucas' feet.

Lucas was silent. "No?" He said, in a very unconvincing tone.

Lucas made another noise, his throat contracting as he choked. Lucas, rather poorly, tried to play it off as a cough.

"There it was again."

Silence.

"Lucas?" Skulduggery asked, undoing the bindings that tied his hands to the chair, but he left his hands tied.

"I forgot how to swallow." He said.

"You," Skulduggery said. "Are very strange."

Lucas laughed nervously, but his throat made another strangling noise and he, momentarily, forgot how to breathe.

"Are you okay?" Skulduggery asked, his skull tilted to the side.

"Peachy." He replied, feigning composure as he got his lungs working again.

Valkyrie noted that his skin was a rich shade of brown, his eyes were still the glowing green that she had met the night before and his hair was exactly the same, although it had gone slightly frizzy from the struggle. Skulduggery gripped Lucas' forearm tightly and was about to haul him up, but Lucas uttered a few hushed words that Valkyrie couldn't quite hear.

Skulduggery turned to look at Valkyrie.

"He wants you to leave."

"Why?"

"He's embarrassed." Skulduggery said as Lucas' skin turned to a faint shade of pink.

"Why is he embarrassed?" She asked, stepping forward a little.

"No!" He blurted. "I, uh, I only have half a butt-cheek on the left side and I'm really self-conscious about it." Lucas went a violent shade of deep pink.

Valkyrie and Skulduggery both stared in shocked silence.

"Okay?" She replied.

"It got shot off in the war."

"What, in Mevolent's war?" Valkyrie pressed.

Lucas panicked. "No… in the…. The Great Emu War."

Skulduggery sighed.

"They mistook me for an emu." Lucas kept going, apparently not knowing when to shut up.

"You _do_ have a very long neck." Skulduggery shrugged.

Valkyrie sighed and left them to do _whatever_ , too tired to dispute. She found an interest in the window Skulduggery had broken last night, and stood with her arms crossed over her chest, looking out at the street. Skulduggery came and found her a couple of moments later.

"He's hiding something." He said.

"He's not exactly what you'd call subtle."

"Indeed."

"The locket?"

Skulduggery hesitated.

"I'll take that as a no then." Valkyrie sighed and turned to face him. "Where's Lucas?"

"He's tied to the kitchen chair." Skulduggery informed her.

"My chair?" She questioned.

"No, the one with the stain."

"That _is_ my chair."

"Oh. So very sorry."

"Now, I'll need a new chair." Valkyrie placed her hands on her hips, looking up at Skulduggery with annoyance.

"There's three more in there." Skulduggery pointed into the kitchen.

"Yeah, but it'll never be the same."

"Just pick a new one."

"No," Valkyrie said stubbornly. "I liked that one, it was very _cushy_."

Skulduggery tilted his skull at her, she gave him a look in defiance.

Lucas was certainly tied to the kitchen chair, glowering at the restraints that held him. Skulduggery and Valkyrie stood in the middle of the kitchen looking at the man in front of them.

"You're in my chair." Valkyrie pointed out to Lucas.

"Not exactly my choice," Lucas replied, gesturing as best he could at his restraints.

"Why are you here?" Skulduggery questioned.

"You knocked me out and restrained me."

"No, why did you _come here_."

"I told you last night, I'm here for what you stole."

"Surprise borrowed."

Lucas stayed silent.

"Are you working for someone?" Valkyrie questioned. "You don't strike me as the kind of man who has the intelligence to work alone."

Lucas continued his silence, being entirely unhelpful.

"Been employed to destroy the world?" Skulduggery asked.

Lucas was blank. Not a word.

Valkyrie was irritated. Skulduggery didn't know where the locket was, much less what it did. Lucas wasn't talking, and when he did talk, nothing of interest was spewing from his mouth. Plus he was sitting _in_ Valkyrie's chair. And he had pushed her out of a _window_.

"Listen here, Lucas," Valkyrie said, her voice lowered as low as possible, as she lent down to eye level, "You'd better start telling me something of interest real soon. Or I'm going to lose it."

"Yeah, I'd listen to her." Skulduggery chimed in, unhelpfully.

"I will get information out of you one way or another. If I have to resort to violence just to get a mere squeak out of you, I will. I'll cut off your arms and beat you with them. I'll get my good friend Tanith to come, she'll suck out your brains and ingest the information. Then when she's relaying it back to me, I'll beat you with your own foot. I'll take one of your arms, shove it where the sun don't shine, then, I'll reach down your throat and give you a handshake. How does that sound to you?"

She watched as Lucas began to pale.

"Okay, Okay." He said. "I'll tell you what you want to know. Only because I'm scared of you and man enough to admit it."

Satisfied, Valkyrie straightened up.

"Are you working for someone," Valkyrie asked again.

"Yes," Lucas said in defeat.

"Who?"

"I don't know. Honest. I don't."

"How have you been working for them?" Skulduggery asked.

"I get letters, real old-fashioned, I'm talking actual wax seal and everything. You know, the ones that you see in movies."

"That's how they contact you?" Valkyrie interjected.

"Yeah."

"Where are these letters?"

"I burn them, as instructed."

"Oh, well, that just bloody helpful," Valkyrie muttered.

Just as Skulduggery was about to interrogate further his phone rang, he pulled it from his jacket pocket and upon seeing who the caller ID was, excused himself to step out of the room to take it. Leaving Valkyrie and Lucas alone.

Lucas gulped. Valkyrie stared at Lucas for a long time, she analysed his face just to make him feel very uncomfortable. Lucas didn't dare make eye contact.

"You're an adept." She stated.

"Uh, yeah," Lucas replied, caught off guard.

"What can you do exactly."

"I make people hurt." He said. "My skin changes colors."

"Hurt how?"

"My skin, it just does things."

"I've seen that," Valkyrie said, exasperated. "What do you do _exactly_."

Lucas stayed silent.

"Oh, come _on._ " Valkyrie was exasperated with the silence.

Skulduggery walked back into the kitchen.

"Valkyrie c'mon, let's get going."

"What, where?" She asked.

"Murders to solve. World to save. You know, the usual."

"What about me?" Lucas asked.

"Ah." Skulduggery replied.

"Let me go?" He sounded hopeful.

"Valkyrie, call the sanctuary."

Lucas slumped in his seat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't know what the Emu War is, please for the love of everything that is good and pure in this world, google it. My history is awesome.  
> Don't forget you can scream at me via my Tumblr (Kageyamallama) or at my Twitter (@Kageyamallama)


	3. The Purple Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there,  
> I had a hard time getting this chapter written as I've just started another semester at Uni, luckily one of my good friends decided to help me out with some of this chapter and just general editing.  
> I'll try to update this as often as I can but as I said before, I'm a Uni student. Lol.
> 
> Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy this next chapter. :)

Cleavers were dispatched to haul Lucas back to the Sanctuary for further interrogation, Skulduggery looked on with amusement as Lucas tried to wiggle free from the cleavers gripping both his forearms. Valkyrie, however, didn’t share this amusement. She _may_ have cracked a small smile when Lucas was shoved, rather ungracefully, into the back of a white van, but it was gone as quickly as it came.

“So,” She asked, her eyes watching as the van drove away into the distance, arms crossed over her chest, leaning her weight to one side. “Did you find it?”

“Find what?”

Valkyrie turned to look at Skulduggery, her face void of expression as she stared at him closely.

“Ah, the locket.”

“Yes, the locket.”

“Did you find it?”

“Not quite, but I did find _something_.”

Skulduggery turned, his incredibly well-made shoes made no sound as he walked towards the makeshift door – which, just the night before, was blown off so badly the pieces Skulduggery had nailed back into place resembled something of a jigsaw puzzle. A horrifically incorrect jigsaw puzzle a child had bashed the wrong pieces to fit together. Valkyrie trailed after him.

“I remembered I had this.” He said as he reached a thin arm back into the expanse of freezer and pulled out a ball of aluminium foil. He smugly showed it to her.

“A… A ball of foil?”

“Yes, you’re quite correct.”

What does the ball of foil _do_?”

“Absolutely nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Okay, let me try this. What’s _in_ it?”

“A thing.”

“What does this thing _do_ exactly?”

“Haven’t the foggiest.”

Valkyrie groaned. 

“Do you know or are you just not telling me?”

“Valkyrie, my dear, what’s the fun in telling you anything?”

“You don’t know what it is yet, do you?”

Skulduggery was awfully quiet, his silence confirming Valkyrie’s suspicions.

“I am a wonderful detective.” She said proudly.

“I was getting around to it.” Skulduggery defended before carefully pulling at the creases of the foil, unwrapping it slowly. A large chunk of metal lay amongst the unwrapped foil. 

“Well, that was rather anticlimactic.” Valkyrie commented.

Skulduggery took the heavy steel from his palm and disposed of the foil. He fiddled with the metal, turning it over in his hands until his fingers accidentally caught on the latch and 12 spring loaded blades popped out of one end, standing out tauntingly.

“Ah.”

“So you know what it is?”

“What I have in my hands is called a Scarificator. A highly useful medical tool which dates back around to the 18th century. It looks modified though, usually the blades would go back in after being released.”

Skulduggery managed to get the blades back in place by winding up the springs again, as he did so he noticed the engraving on the side, the name _‘Kenspeckle Grouse’_ was etched in small letters on one of the faces.

“What does it do?”

“It draws blood.”

Valkyrie gave him a look.

“A _lot_ of blood.”

“So, why was it in your freezer? Why was it wrapped in foil?”

“That question, remains unanswered. But I have a hunch, if Kenspeckle had it, it will be incredibly useful.” Skulduggery said as he pocketed the lump of metal.

“The Scarificator was Kenspeckle’s?”

“It would appear so.” Skulduggery replied, showing her the etching.

“It’s probably _really_ old then.”

Skulduggery nodded

“I’m probably older than it is.”

“Then it’s _definitely_ old.”

Skulduggery grunted in agreement.

“Come on Valkyrie,” He said as he shrugged on his suit jacket, which was lying on the kitchen bench, and grabbed the keys to his Bentley . “We’ve got a murder to solve and grand mages to thoroughly annoy.”

“We do?”

“We do.”

\---

The drive to the Sanctuary was relatively quick and quiet, Valkyrie stepped out of the Bentley and into the sun, which was a rarity in itself. It’s too beautiful a day, she thought, to just stay inside.

“Ghastly called.” Said Skulduggery as he activated the Bentley’s car alarm and met Valkyrie around the other side.

“He did?”

“He did. There’s been a murder.”

"Oh, _goody._ "

The same white van Lucas was shoved into was parked a few metres away from the Sanctuary. Skulduggery and Valkyrie walked past as Lucas was pushed out of the sliding door, he was shackled in magic-restricting handcuffs and tripped over his own feet as he tried to steady himself without his hands. He landed face down on the bitumen with a hard crack and the cleavers assigned to him tried to help him up as he thrashed around in their hold.

He shrieked insults at the cleavers and at the bystanders that had stopped to watch.

“You!” He shouted at Valkyrie’s back. “You _suck_. I hate you. You’re all the freakin’ same, all ugly and stupid. I hate Roarhaven!”

It was increasingly clear that he was running out of insults to hurl.

“What the hell did you just call me?” Valkyrie asked as she turned back to face him as she raised one of her eyebrows in a threatening manner. 

“You-“ He said, but cut off, his fear registering over his face. “You clearly heard me.”

“And you clearly don’t want to take the risk of saying it again.”

Lucas paled a bit as he stayed silent and allowed himself to be led away, not bothering to struggle anymore. Valkyrie and Skulduggery entered the sanctuary behind him, watching as the cleavers took him off to the cells as they continued to the meeting room Ghastly had summoned them to.

Tipstaff had met them halfway there, insisting that he accompany them to meet with Elder Ghastly. He was muttering something about ‘proper protocols’ and how ‘nobody is ever on time’ but Valkyrie wasn’t listening, and she doubted Skulduggery was either. Tipstaff had hastily shuffled then to their destination, announced them to Ghastly, offered him refreshments – conveniently leaving Valkyrie and Skulduggery out of his offer, they both declined anyway – and left quickly.

“I see you’ve finally decided to show up.” Ghastly said as the door clicked shut behind them.

“We had a bit of a situation, your superior highness.” Skulduggery smoothly replied.

“Shut up.” He said. “I heard, someone’s done a bit a thieving?”

“More like borrowing without telling anyone and hiding it so well that nobody could ever find it.”

“So you don’t have it?”

“Well, not _yet_.”

Ghastly sighed.

“There was a Scarificator in Skulduggery’s freezer.” Valkyrie chimed in.

“Ah, yes.” Skulduggery said as he fished the Scarificator out of his pocket and laid it on the table for Ghastly to observe. “Don’t know the relevance though.” He muttered to nobody in particular.

“Haven’t seen one of these for a few centuries.” Ghastly commented as he picked it up with both hands and brought it closer to his scarred face. He accidentally pulled at the latch with his thumb and wasn’t quick enough to pull his other hand away as the razor-sharp blades clipped his palm.

“This has been modified.” Ghastly said as blood welled in his hand.

“The blades, right?” Valkyrie asked.

“No, nobody else made that mistake? Really?”

“No, I don’t have skin, much less blood. And Valkyrie hasn’t touched it.” Skulduggery replied.

“It drains magic, just then when I cut myself, I felt a little of my magic drain.”

“Oh, well that’s… useful. I guess.” Valkyrie said.

“I wonder how it ended up in my freezer.”

“Anyway,” Ghastly said, as he passed the Scarificator back to Skulduggery and used the sleeve of his robe to stop the bleeding. “There’s been a murder and I’m putting you both on this case. It’s just weird enough for the both of you.”

“Please tell me it’s not _really_ gruesome.” Valkyrie grimaced, her pretty face scrunching up in disgust. 

“It’s a bizarre one.”

“We’ll go check it out.” Skulduggery said, giving a teasing bow as they both left the briefing room.

\---

The crime scene was guarded by incognito mages, Skulduggery and Valkyrie were granted immediate access to the scene with no questions as they ducked under the fake neon-yellow police tape.

“Have you gotten used to that yet?” Valkyrie asked as she stood.

“To what?”

“To just waltzing into crime scenes, no more breaking in or sneaking through perimeters.”

“Ah, well it’s certainly easier.”

“Too easy, if you ask me.”

“I do miss the punching.” Skulduggery replied before they walked in through the back door of a modest house.

They followed the hallway until they reached the living room and Valkyrie noted how dull the interior was. There was limited furniture, no personal belongings, no décor adorning the walls or shelves and a thick layer of dust had settled over just about everything. Valkyrie sneezed.

“It looks like nobody has lived here for a long time.” Valkyrie said before sneezing again.

“Someone probably dumped him here.”

“That explains all the dust.” She said before spotting something catch the sunlight on the floor, she bent over to pick it up. It was a silver lapel pin with some sort of crest on it, she opened her mouth to call Skulduggery but was cut off by him speaking first.

“Well,” Skulduggery said as he looked at the body slumped in the sofa chair. His arms were bound to the leather and his mouth had been taped shut. “That’s something you don’t see every day.”

“He’s purple.” Valkyrie stated.

“He is _indeed_ purple.”

“Why is he purple?”

“Haven’t the foggiest.’”

“This is weird.”

Skulduggery grunted as he lowered himself to get a closer look, he poked the body a few times before standing upright again.

“Well, that’s a dead body if I ever saw one.” He said. “Tell me Valkyrie, what do you see that’s not right about this particularly _dead_ person?”

“He’s purple.”

“Besides that.”

“Um.” She stared at the body slumped in the chair, his restraints as they held his arms in place and the makeshift gag. His skin was a rather deep shade of purple and his clothes were relatively clean-. Oh. “There’s no injury. No blood. Nothing”

“No bullet wounds, defensive wounds or any other causes of death that we can see.” Skulduggery affirmed.

Valkyrie took a closer look, the man in the chair was perfectly normal – besides his purple skin and lifeless eyes.

“This is _really_ weird.”

“Indeed, we should move him back to the sanctuary. I’m sure our doctors there can figure out what killed him.”

Valkyrie agreed with him; loud muffled shouting came from the mages outside as she was about to suggest calling in the cleavers to move him. They both ran out the way they came in and followed the shouting to see what had happened.

Lucas, who was supposed to be locked up in the Sanctuary cells, was on his back and the three mages stationed to keep mortals away from the area had him pinned to the ground. Lucas thrashed and hurled curses as he drew on his magic. His skin turned a lovely shade of violet as the two mages in direct skin contact with him recoiled and screamed in agony, allowing him just enough time to shake off the remaining sorcerer and get to his feet. The unaffected mage charged at him, sending them both sprawling to the ground as they wrestled.

“Oh my god.” Valkyrie had said when she spotted him. “His skin is purple too!”

Skulduggery said nothing as he lunged with his arm outstretched, he pushed at the air and sent Lucas off the mage. He grabbed him by the back of his collar, dragged him up and wrapped his bony arm around his neck. Lucas’ hands flew up to his neck as he tried to catch any uncovered skin but failed as he only felt the cool bone of Skulduggery’s arm under his fingertips.

“Shit.” He said as he realised who had him by the neck.

He tried to wiggle out of Skulduggery’s strong chokehold, but before he could succeed Valkyrie had punched him very hard across the jaw. He went slack in Skulduggery’s grasp and became dead weight that Skulduggery immediately dropped.

“Did you _really_ have to do that?” Skulduggery asked.

“It’s basically a reflex at this point. I see a bad guy, I punch.”

Skulduggery looked at her for a moment.

“And this has absolutely nothing to do with how he pushed you out of a window?”

Valkyrie grinned.

“Not at all.”

Skulduggery sighed and turned back to the recovering mages.

“Get the body back to the sanctuary, we’ll continue our investigation there.”

“And him, sir?” One rather small mage with a crooked nose asked, gesturing to Lucas.

“We’ll take him too.” He said as he pulled magic-restricting handcuffs from one of his pockets.

The mages dispersed, each tasked with transporting the body back and combing for any forensic evidence the pair had missed, which was highly unlikely. Skulduggery watched them go before turning back to Valkyrie.

“What now?” Valkyrie said. “How did he even get out? I’ve _been_ in the cells before; he shouldn’t have been able to get out.”

“The fact Lucas was able to escape but you couldn’t is vaguely alarming, but we’ll get him back in his cell and this time we’ll leave his cuffs on.”

Skulduggery shackled Lucas, who was still wonderfully unconscious, and shut him in the backseat of the Bentley. Valkyrie climbed into the passenger seat and remembered the pin in her jacket pocket.

“I found this.” She said as Skulduggery slid into the Bentley and produced the pin for him to see. “It was on the floor.”

“Looks like some sort of family crest.” He said as he took it from her, inspecting it close up. “Is that a castle and a sword? Maybe it belongs to the victim.”

“Or it’s the killers.”

“Either way, it’s a clue.” Skulduggery said before giving it back to her and turning the keys in the ignition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget you can chat to me over on my Tumblr or Twitter (both users are Kageyamallama)


	4. One Big Happy Family Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! A sneaky update on this fine Sunday!

The cold and damp castle stood proudly, not that anybody was around to admire it. Mould had grown over the cold stone walls and the smell was particularly pungent, these two would have been enough to drive anyone off but the man who lived inside said mouldy walls was a terror, all on his own. Asustado Fenburn didn’t mind the mould, or the smell, or the cold and damp. In his day, that was all there was, and it was _glorious._

He walked through the large foyer, peeling off his sweat soaked overcoat and dropped it as he strode further into the dark, stopping briefly in the abandoned kitchen quarters to make himself a rather unimpressive meal of old bread and mildly disgusting cheese. He ate as he made his way up to the very top rooms of the castle, littering his clothes on the floor and dropping breadcrumbs as he went. Asustado doesn’t mind the mess, there’s nobody else around to mind either and that’s the way he likes it.

He stuffed the rest of his sandwich into his mouth as he closed the door to the bathroom and tore off the rest of his clothes. He showered quickly, something he did on occasion. Shower – that is, and dressed himself in musty clothing that had spent the entirety of the 19th century in a box.

Before he made his way back down to one of the unnecessarily large drawing rooms, he stopped to look at himself in one of his bedroom mirrors. Thin, white hair retracted from his once very prominent hairline, his mouth was permanently fixed in an ugly scowl and his eyes, from a quick glance, might’ve resembled two olives sunken in melted candle wax. He was aware of this, of course, his quickly aging body and mind. Asustado tore himself away from the mirror, mood soured, and stalked back down the way he came.

The overly large cushioned armchair sat in the corner of the room, it looked like the kind of chair that would be capable of eating a small child. This particular chair had actually eaten a person once, just swallowed them up where they sat. That was a very good quality in a chair, Asustado thought, the consciousness to separate the dignified from the lesser among them.

Nobody knew what happened to the individual the chair had gobbled up, and nobody particularly cared enough to find out. The seller gave it to him for half off in a sale and it was half the reason he bought it in the first place, the second being how it looked just as ugly as he did, and he liked that. He liked that very much.

The purple was already fading from his arm, that skin bubbling as it relinquished its control over the borrowed power, as normal white settled in once again. He smiled a disgusting yellow smile; watching it happen.

Asustado sat in his plush but slightly lumpy reading chair, like always, and waited for the sun to rise.

\---

“So Lucas,” Skulduggery said, his voice authoritative and slightly annoyed. “How are you?”

Said man sat with his hands shackled to the table, his legs shackled together – both of which were magic restricting – and two cleavers flanked his sides. 

“Please don’t kill me.” Lucas responded in his pathetic little voice. 

“We’re not going to kill you; we need certain questions answered and then we’ll send you back on your way, to jail. Or to wherever the Grand Mage wants you to go.” Skulduggery reassured with a little wave of his hand. 

Lucas whimpered a little as the door opened and Valkyrie walked in, a coffee in hand and a scowl on her face. 

“Sorry, the line was long, and the need was dire.” She said, sitting next to Skulduggery. 

He acknowledged her with a nod of his skull.

“Where were we?” She sipped her coffee, already feeling slightly better with the absurd amount of shots she’d insisted the dull-eyed youth at the coffee place add to her order.

“Well, Lucas here was just about to answer some questions. Weren’t you?” 

Lucas swallowed thickly. 

“What do you want to know.”

“Excellent.” Skulduggery said. “First priority, how did you break out of the sanctuary? Second priority, well – not really a priority. More like a little pebble on the road, you’re pretty much wanted for murder. But don’t let that stop you from answering my first question.”

Lucas hesitated but focused on answering the question.

“I, uh. I burned my way out.”

“Burned?” Valkyrie asked. “You were in a magic-resistant cell. You’re not even elemental. What do you mean you burned your way out?” 

“Um.” 

“Um?”

“Well, I…”

“Well? You what?”

“I, uh. I swallowed it.”

“Not sure I’m following you there Lucas.” Skulduggery’s lack of eyes bored into Lucas’ very scared ones.

“The _thing._ ”

“The what now?” Valkyrie asked, sipping once more from her coffee.

“You know, the _thing_. The locket.”

Valkyrie cursed as she spilt the scalding coffee over one of her hands and a beat of silence followed. She looked to Skulduggery. He looked to Valkyrie. They both looked at Lucas.

Lucas shrunk back into his chair a little.

Skulduggery was the first to break the awkward silence.

“You what?” He asked, cold and quiet. And scary.

“I … I swallowed it. The locket.”

“I’m sorry,” Valkyrie wiped at the back of her hand with her jacket, not breaking eye contact with Lucas. “I’m afraid I might have heard that wrong. I’ve been meaning to get my ears checked for ages, I think I’m going deaf. But work and all, ya’know. Really gets in the way of these things. Could you repeat that?”

“He swallowed the locket.” Skulduggery answered before Lucas could speak.

“He swallowed the locket?”

“Yes! Yes! I swallowed the _bloody_ locket! Every grandma and her feral cat knows at this point! All of _China_ knows where the stupid, bloody locket is!”

“How, may I ask, did you swallow the locket?” Skulduggery asked him, giving Valkyrie a moment.

“It was an accident.”

“I’m sorry, me again,” Valkyrie interjected. “How the hell did you swallow a whole piece of jewellery _accidentally_?”

“It just kind of … happened.” Lucas explained. “One moment I was sitting up on that stupid plastic chair and the next thing I know I’m face first in a pile of stuff! And when I tried to get myself upright again, I somehow ended up face up - with the locket down my throat.”

“Ah, so _that's_ where it was.” Skulduggery said, feeling triumphant. 

“Then you guys showed up and I thought I’d be able to run off with it.”

Valkyrie downed the rest of her coffee, grimacing a little as she felt the undissolved coffee granules on her tongue. 

“So it gave you the ability to burn through things or?” Valkyrie questioned. 

“The locket is, highly powerful yes.”

“Lucas, there really is no point in trying to hide the true power of the locket from us.” She ran her tongue around her mouth, trying to swallow all the coffee bits. 

“It’s either you tell us, and I judge you’re not lying, or I call in the Sensitives to dig through that head full of air.”

Lucas hesitated; he was doing that a lot lately. 

“It amplifies magic abilities.” He finally confessed. 

“Like, a super charged battery?” 

“Makes sense, magic has been poured into that bit of jewellery for centuries. Too bad I already figured that out though or that would’ve been a big surprise.”

“Wait, you already knew?” Valkyrie turned to look at Skulduggery. 

“A big advantage about being me, my dear Valkyrie, is that I know everything.”

Valkyrie said nothing, electing to not dignify his answer with a response. 

“Are we done?” Lucas asked. 

“Oh god no.” Skulduggery replied. “We’ve still got a whole murder to solve.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’ve been in custody the entire time!” Lucas said.

“You broke _out_ , of custody. Remember? We’ve got a whole unaccounted hour.” Valkyrie replied. “Plus, it’s very convenient for us but very damning for you, that you ran exactly to where the corpse was.”

“What?” Lucas asked. “That’s why you guys were there? I only went there because that’s where I was told to go when I had the locket.”

Skulduggery produced the case file out of seemingly thin air as he stood and slammed the picture of the dead man slumped in a chair down on the table.

Lucas inhaled sharply.

“That wasn’t me I swear.”

“We can’t just take your word for it, Lucas,” Valkyrie leaned over to rest her elbows on the table, looking him straight in the eye. “Us detectives, we like evidence.” 

“It’s a very big coincidence that this man is purple, who else do we know that can turn purple?”

“I swear.” He whispered; his eyes glistened with tears and his voice shook. Both things that Skulduggery noticed.

“Do you know this man?” Skulduggery asked.

“That’s my father.” Lucas nodded. 

Skulduggery sat back down.

“We’ve seen sons kill their dads before.” Valkyrie said, glancing over to her partner.

“No, not me. I didn’t do this. My dad was the only person I had left, they’re all gone now. I’m the last of the Hendrick clan. I swear.” Silent tears dripped down Lucas’ face.

“Well, that changes things.” Skulduggery said. “Would you like a tissue?”

Lucas said nothing, gesturing at his tightly bound hands with his arms in response.

“Do you recognise this crest?” Valkyrie asked, pulling the pin from her jacket and holding it up for Lucas to see.

“Yeah.” Lucas replied; his voice low. “It’s from the letters, remember the wax seal I told you about?”

“We remember.” Skulduggery said.

“I didn’t tell you before because he said if I went for help, he’d kill him, my dad. Guess it doesn’t matter all that much now.”

“That’s why you broke in? He was threatening your dad?” Valkyrie leaned back in her chair.

“If I didn’t do what he wanted, he said he’d torture him first and then kill him.”

“Do you know who he is? Where he is?” Skulduggery asked.

“No. He never mentioned anything about himself.”

“Lovely.” Skulduggery said, he pulled at the air and the case file flew back into his waiting hand. Valkyrie pocketed the pin once more.

“What do we do with him now?” Valkyrie asked. “We can’t exactly leave him here; he’s got the locket. We _need_ the locket.”

Skulduggery thought for a moment.

“We’ll take him with us.”

“Where are we going?”

“You’re taking me with you?”

Both Lucas and Valkyrie replied at the same time.

“Lucas, I’m sorry about your father but we’re not just going to stop this case because of you. We’ll get you to a doctor … or something for your very special _issue_. We might not have enough time, we should probably just … wait.”

Valkyrie’s lip curled upwards in disgust; Lucas’ turned a bright shade of pink.

“Valkyrie, it’s the archives for us.”

She groaned.

“But I _hate_ the archives.”

“Ah, don’t be like that. It’ll be an adventure.”

“Skulduggery, we’ve _been_ on adventures before, real adventures, where I get to punch multiple people and laugh at them. A trip to the Magical Room of Magic Files is not an adventure.”

He laughed and motioned for the cleavers behind Lucas to unshackle him from the table. Lucas was left with his magic-restraining handcuffs, but he had been released from the ones that bound his feet. Effectively making him mobile.

“Don’t try to run.” Skulduggery said.

“I wouldn’t” Lucas replied; his tear streaked cheeks still a slight shade of pink.

Valkyrie gave him a look as Skulduggery relieved the cleavers of their very boring babysitting duty but warned them to be vigilant as Lucas could try to escape again. 

“I wouldn’t!” He exclaimed as he heard it.

Skulduggery looked at him with his overbearing stare and Lucas stopped talking.

Tipstaff approached them as they left the interrogation room, his clipboard under his arm.

“Skulduggery,” He greeted. “Valkyrie, Elder Ghastly has requested you.”

“He has, has he?” Skulduggery asked.

“Yes, please follow me.” Tipstaff promptly turned on his heel and lead them.

“Do I follow too?” Lucas asked but was given no reply as he was shoved forward by Valkyrie.

\---

Ghastly waited for them in the same room as before, he looked annoyed Valkyrie thought.

“Detectives Pleasant and Cain, sir.” Tipstaff announced, looking at Lucas. “And whoever he is.” He said with a nod of his head as he walked out the door.

“Where’s the rest of your posse?” Skulduggery asked.

“Hopefully, stuck in some boring meeting somewhere.”

Skulduggery laughed.

“So, update me. Give me some excitement.”

Valkyrie did, leaving no detail out as she explained the events of the day and the information that had come to light. She’d given him the pin to inspect as she spoke, hoping he could identify it.

“I hate to suggest it, Skulduggery.” Ghastly said.

Skulduggery tilted his skull. “Suggest what?”

“You might need China on this one.”

A particular kind of silence fell over the room, the kind that sends off dead men to their graves. Valkyrie swallowed, chancing a quick glance up at Skulduggery. Lucas stayed silent; he had no idea what was going on.

“Right.” Skulduggery said. “I was afraid of that.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll, its been a tough ass week. Assignments have just started to pick up so updates probably wont be as frequent as I'd hope but I'm excited for the chapters to come. :-)  
> Thanks for reading!


	5. Taking the Plunge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo  
> Is new chapter :-)

Skulduggery was eerily silent, the tension thick over their heads, seeping into the black leather of the Bentley’s interior. Valkyrie glanced over at him, the brows of his façade were furrowed, and he wore a scowl over the features that had rippled over his familiar skull.

“You’re doing it again.” He commented, not taking his artificial blue eyes off the road.

“Are you okay?” She asked, concerned.

“Me, I’m grand.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I’m fine, if anyone was wondering.” Lucas piped up from the backseat, still in handcuffs.

“Nobody’s wondering.” Skulduggery answered, gloved hands gripping the wheel entirely too tightly.

Lucas slumped back in his seat and went back to staring out the window as Valkyrie went back to staring at Skulduggery. Skulduggery went back to being silent.

The rest of the drive was dead quiet, awkward for Lucas – who still had no clue what was going on – and tense for Valkyrie – who was concerned for Skulduggery’s wellbeing.

“Stay here.” Valkyrie said to Skulduggery, the Bentley finally rolling to a stop as they pulled up at China’s new hideaway.

“I’m going in with you, Valkyrie.” Skulduggery protested.

“I’ll be fine.” Valkyrie waved off his protest.

“You’re not talking to China by yourself.”

“I’ll take Lucas, it’ll be fine.”

“Lucas isn’t much protection.”

“Good god, Skulduggery, I don’t need protection.”

Skulduggery titled his head at her.

“If something goes wrong, I’ll use him as a sacrifice and come get you.”

“Hey!” Lucas exclaimed.

“I’m not arguing anymore, Skulduggery.”

“Fine,” He relented. “But you’ve got 10 minutes.”

Valkyrie smiled smugly.

“Come on, Lucas, let’s go.” Valkyrie’s boots crunched on crisp leaves as she stepped out of the car.

Lucas struggled with the latch of the car door and tumbled out when he finally pushed it open. He landed on his back in the dirt, like a turtle.

“Help.”

Valkyrie groaned, but pulled him to his feet anyway.

“Are you usually this clumsy?” She asked.

“I’d say so, yeah.”

Valkyrie lead the way into the large estate; they spoke to sever members of staff before they found China in a modest sitting room. Rare books adorned the shelves built into the walls; the room’s colour scheme was a lovely shade of green that Valkyrie couldn’t help but adore. It smelt like China’s old library, old books and a hint of cinnamon.

“Valkyrie.” China said in greeting as she spotted them both, getting up from the sofa and abandoning the book she had open in her hands.

“What’s wrong with his face?” China asked.

Valkyrie looked over to where Lucas was standing, his face was almost vacant, openly staring at china.

“He’s lost in thought, it’s uncharted territory for his kind.”

“His kind?”

“Stupid people.”

Lucas either didn’t hear them or was too engrossed with China’s face, she smiled at him.

“I love you.” He blurted.

“Where do you find all these charmers, Valkyrie?”

“I don’t know, I’m like a bright, shiny light that attracts idiots.”

Lucas was too in love to care.

“So, to what do I owe this pleasure?” China inquired.

“Do you know,” Valkyrie said as she reached into her pocket for the crest pin. “Whose family crest this is?”

China took the pin from her and examined it.

“Asustado Fenburn, he’s incredibly old, the last of his family line. Known for hating sorcerers.”

“So, he’s a mortal?” Valkyrie asked.

“No, he’s a sorcerer. He just hates magic, sees it as a disease.” 

Valkyrie’s brows furrowed in confusion; Lucas got down on one knee.

“Marry me?” He asked.

“Sorry, dear.” China responded, not taking her eyes off Valkyrie. “I don’t marry men in handcuffs.”

“I’ve got something special inside of me.”

China laughed.

“What? A heart of go-“

“I’ve got the Hendrick family locket.”

China faltered; Valkyrie had the urge to kick something.

“Lucas.” She hissed.

“How did you come across that?” She asked Lucas.

“He stole it from Skulduggery.” Valkyrie informed, glaring daggers at Lucas.

“ _Skulduggery_ had the locket?” She asked, scandalised.

Valkyrie was finding it incredibly hard not to relish in the sight of China caught off guard.

“He did.”

“I can’t believe he didn’t tell me.”

“Can you blame him?” Valkyrie asked, letting a little snark creep into her tone.

“No, I can’t say that I can.” She sighed.

“Do you know where to find this Asustado person?”

“Slade Castle.”

“Where’s that?”

“Skulduggery should know.”

“Right well, thanks China, we really should get going.” She turned to leave the way she came.

“Wait,” China said. “Leave him with me.”

“What?”

“I’ve just given you valuable information, one of the only pieces I have left.”

“You can’t expect us to just give you the locket?” Valkyrie crossed her arms over her chest.

“Why not?”

Valkyrie laughed. “I’m not just about to give you a powerful artefact. It’s Skulduggery’s.”

“Who stole it from Lucas.”

“Please, China, I can make you happy.” Lucas begged.

“Few men can do that.” China said. “I want the locket.”

“I can give it to you!” He replied quickly, eager to please.

Valkyrie argued over him, Lucas was busy professing his undying love for China and China was arguing back. Nobody noticed the tall man in the suit walk into the room, nobody noticed him sit on one of the plush couches and nobody noticed when he pulled out his revolver.

“That’s enough.” He said in a cold voice.

The room sunk into abrupt silence.

“Your 10 minutes are up, Valkyrie.”

“They are?”

“Skulduggery.” China said.

“China.”

"I love you!" Lucas shouted.

“Valkyrie.” Skulduggery said.

“Yes?”

“Shut him up.” He gestured to Lucas with his gun.

Valkyrie sighed but did as she was told, giving Lucas a quick whack to the head, letting him collapse up against one of the walls.

“Thank you.” Skulduggery said. “Valkyrie, would you mind giving us a moment alone?”

Valkyrie swallowed. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Valkyrie left through the same door she came through and walked down the corridors, she did _not_ want to be in that room when Skulduggery did whatever he needed to do. She leant up against the hood of the Bentley and waited.

Skulduggery walked out alone a few minutes later.

“Where’s Lucas?” She asked as he got closer to her.

“China and I have come to an agreement.”

“What sort of agreement?”

“She gets the locket,” Valkyrie gaped as Skulduggery spoke. “But only _after_ we’ve somehow removed the magical qualities from it, and she has to babysit while we go after our mystery killer.”

“That’s not the w _orst_ deal I’ve heard, what do we get out of it?”

“An afternoon without Lucas.”

“That’s all?”

Skulduggery said nothing as he moved past her, disabled the car alarm and slid in.

“Skulduggery?” She asked, sliding in after him and buckling her seatbelt.

“Yes?”

“Are you okay?”

“No.”

Valkyrie leant over and hugged him. He hugged back, they stayed like that for a while before breaking apart.

“What now?” Valkyrie asked.

“You need a shower.” Skulduggery laughed.

“I do not.” She laughed along with him.

\---

Valkyrie was silently grateful that both her parents were out as she shot herself up through the open window of her bedroom. She turned back to give a little wave to Skulduggery, watching as he drove off. She showered, letting the warm water sooth her aching muscles, and allowed herself a brief moment to remember her tiredness, but washed it away as quickly as it came. She re-dressed herself in the protective clothing Ghastly had made for her and padded down to the kitchen to grab something to satisfy her rumbling stomach.

She dialled Skulduggery.

“Feel better?” He asked.

“Much.” She spoke over the bite of apple she’s shoved in her mouth.

“Is that apple, I hear?”

“Correct.”

“I’m a wonderful detective.”

“What’s our next move?”

“Slade Castle.’

“To find Asustado?”

“Correct.”

“I am a _wonderful_ detective.” Valkyrie mirrored smugly.

“You learned from the best.”

She laughed.

“Are you coming to get me?”

“Already here.”

Valkyrie finished the rest of her apple and threw it in the trash, she vaulted out the window she came through and met Skulduggery.

“You smell better.” He commented as she slid in.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“So how long until we get to the Castle?”

“About 2 hours.”

“Oh, great.” She said sarcastically.

“Fletcher would come in handy right about now.”

“He would. Bentley is better.”

“Agreed.”

Valkyrie smiled at him and he tilted his head back at her.

\---

Lucas came to on a soft couch in a green room, the most beautiful creature he had ever seen above him. His handcuffs had irritated the skin of his wrists in his sleep. 

“Hello.” His voice was raspy.

“Hello.” China answered.

“I love you.”

“I know.”

Lucas smiled a goofy smile.

“Can I have the locket now?” She asked.

He looked away, whole-body inflaming red.

“We have to wait.” He mumbled.

“Why?”

“I swallowed it.”

“You swallowed it?”

Lucas nodded lazily and China sighed.

“Well, I’d better think of ways to get it out. Without waiting.”

“You don’t have to look any further than me, my dear.” A deep voice said, China could feel hot breath on her ear and a tap on her shoulder.

China spun on her heel, he was an ugly man, receding white hair and sunken eyes; Lucas screamed.

“Who are you? How did you get past my wards?” She demanded.

The ugly man said nothing as he tapped his skin in a familiar pattern China immediately recognised. She dodged as he sent blue electricity her way.

“You dare use my own magic against me?” She accused, sending out a counterattack.

Lucas ran to China, handcuffs clinking as he moved, but she pushed him away as she tapped on more siglis, not wanting her precious locket to get caught in the crossfire. An array of furniture and various other shrapnel flew through the air and the man dived and rolled out of the way, not hesitating to send back a strike.

“Run!” She shouted and Lucas snapped out of his love-stricken daze long enough to bolt out the door.

China wasn’t too far behind him, the man pursing her as she zig-zagged through the room. He didn’t notice her rhythmic tapping of her heels as she went. She lunged through the door, tapping the remaining sigil on the doorframe as she did, the entire room went up in flames almost immediately. China had little time the mourn the books as the man, now on fire, ran straight at her.

She cursed as she dodged him, but he caught her by the hair at the last second and slammed her head into one of the corridor walls. Her hands instinctively went up to tap at her skin, he grabbed one of her wrists before her fingers could land and snapped it back at an awkward angle. China grunted as he swept her legs from underneath her and she fell hard.

The man dragged her by her legs, out of the corridor and out into the dirt, just as the building exploded. She had tried to kick her way out of his grasp but was silently thankful as she saw the flames rising high.

“How did you know?” She asked, her head bleeding, buzzing, from the head-slam.

“There are members of your government who agree with my endgame.” He simply said, slamming his heavy boot onto her face with a sickening crack.

He left her unconscious and stalked off to find what he came for.

Lucas, being the incredibly dim-witted person he was, wasn’t entirely too difficult to find. The man found him 15 minutes after the building exploded up a tree. It was a wonder how he even made it up there in the first place, he motioned for him to climb down and Lucas shook his head furiously.

“I’m not coming down.” Lucas said.

The man looked up at him, his brow furrowed with sweat – he wasn’t as young as he used to be. He tapped at the borrowed marks etched into his skin, lighting up yellow as he felt power surge through his arm, he punched the tree and Lucas crashed out of it. He hit the hard ground with a yelp and got to his feel quickly, bound fists flying up in a futile effort to defend himself.

All the man had to do was flick Lucas on the forehead and he was sent back into the dirt. He towered over Lucas, who tried to shuffle back but hit the stump of the tree, his skin phasing through multiple shades. Panicking.

“Wait,” Lucas said, in a last effort attempt to stall the man. “Wait, who are you?”

“It doesn’t matter who I am, only what you’ve managed to steal.”

Lucas went a shade of sickly white, the man said nothing else as he plunged his hand into Lucas’s stomach, the sigils on his arms giving him the strength needed to rip straight through the flesh. Lucas screamed in pain as the man rummaged around in his digestive system, tearing organs apart, looking. Once his fingertips scraped across the metal of the locket, he closed his fist around it and yanked it out, twisting his wrist as he did.

Lucas cried out, tears running down his face as he lost consciousness.

The man smiled a disgustingly yellowed smile as he held up the bloody, stomach fluid covered locket to inspect in the afternoon sunlight.

\---

When China came to, she was in the dirt. One of her favourite skirts was ruined, stained with blood and earth, and her house was nothing more than ash. Lucas wasn’t in eyesight either. She reluctantly dragged herself into a sitting position and surveyed her surroundings as her head throbbed, wrist definitely broken. Once she was satisfied that the strange man was gone, she stood.

She found Lucas a few moments later, his stomach ripped wide open, China grimaced, gagged, checked his pulse and pulled out her almost dead phone to call the sanctuary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope ya'll are having as much fun as I am, this fic is very fun to write!  
> See ya'll on the flip  
> :-)


	6. Slade Castle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Ya'll,  
> Sorry this is a tad late, uni and all.  
> I'm actually on a week's break at the moment, spending it on the coast with plenty of books, wine and sleep.  
> :-)

“And _that’s_ why we never trust a duck.” Skulduggery finished as he took a sharp right turn.

“Brilliant,” Valkyrie mumbled from the passenger seat; an old map spread out over her lap.

“I don’t think you’re appreciating my advice.”

“Sorry, your story was great. Take the next left.” She said.

Skulduggery made a hum of approval, turning left. Valkyrie guided him through more sharp turns and confusing intersections, stopping briefly to bicker about the map and Valkyrie’s instructions before they finally rolled up to an ugly castle. It was a sunny day, but the castle stood dark, sharp and challenging, daring the sun to shine on its slimy bricks. So far, the sun wasn’t winning. The tall, brick walls were covered in mould and other various suspicious looking patches.

“This is it?” Valkyrie asked. “This is Slade Castle?”

“What were you expecting?”

“I don’t know, something of more grandeur?” She shrugged.

The pair crept up to the doorstep.

“Should we ring the doorbell?” He asked, gesturing to the old-fashioned rope.

“Just kick the door in?” Valkyrie suggested.

“Right, Valkyrie, we really need to work on your violent tendencies.”

“I don’t have violent tendencies, just good at being sufficient.” She glared; Skulduggery rang the doorbell, nobody answered. They waited a few more seconds.

“ _Now_ can we kick the door in?” She asked impatiently.

“Yes.”

Skulduggery slammed his nice dress shoe on the door, but the door stayed put, not moving an inch. He slammed it down again, and again. And again; the door creaked but didn’t yield.

“It’s not working. Let’s find another way.”

“Here, let me try.” She lightly shoved him out of the way.

“Valkyrie, if it didn’t budge for m-“

Valkyrie kicked her heavy, black leather boot into the sturdy wood and the door flew off its hinges, thudding loudly somewhere in the distance. She turned to Skulduggery, smiling smugly at him.

“I loosened it for you.” He said.

“Of course you did.” She grinned wider.

They moved in, creeping quietly, scanning the air for disturbances. The foyer was impressively large and would have been beautiful, but the layers of grime and general unhygienic-ness made Valkyrie scrunch up her face in disgust.

“It’s disgusting.”

“Indeed, is that a rat?” Skulduggery pointed off to one of the corners of the room.

“No, it’s a _dead_ rat.” She clarified. “Let’s keep moving.”

“Shall we.” He motioned for her to lead through one of the doors.

“Nobody’s here.” Valkyrie whispered, walking past him.

“It would seem so.”

“What now?”

“Do what detectives do.”

“Ah, look for clues?”

“No, avoid dead things while looking for clues.”

Valkyrie sighed and watched Skulduggery go off in the direction of what looked like a large lounge room. She looked around and decided to climb the stairs upward, carefully controlling the noise her feet made on the stone steps, just in case there was someone lurking above.

The corridor the stairs led to was filthy, clothes and crumbs were all over the floor and a thick layer of dust covered every surface imaginable. She waded through it all until she came to a set of rooms, just as disgusting as the rest of the floor. It smelt horrid – like a decade’s worth of cats had just shrivelled up and died. Valkyrie pulled up her shirt to fit over her nose and continued on, ignoring how her eyes watered.

She found a room that looked somewhat lived in, stained clothes covered the floors and damp towels were sprawled out in the connecting bathroom. She rifled through drawers and looked through cupboards, careful not to touch anything horrifically disgusting. She found an old photograph, a mildly good-looking man with his arms around a child, a little girl, only 6 or 7. Both smiling. She flipped it over to read the inscription on the back, _Asustado and Clarice, 1781_ and pocketed the photo. Valkyrie kept looking around, trying to find something helpful.

A few moments later her phone rang loudly in her pocket, cutting through the thick silence, she was surprised she had service here, with the castle and all.

“Hello.” Skulduggery cheerily greeted from the other end.

“Skulduggery?” Valkyrie was confused, why not just come find her?

“The one and only.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I found a clue, well actually, the clue found me.”

“What?”

“Come downstairs.”

“Okay.” She said as she went back the way she came, shirt still over her nose as she crept back through the corridor and down the stairs.

It took a few tries to find the room Skulduggery was in, she kept walking around in giant circles, always ending up in the kitchens. She cursed as she spun around once again, going through another set of heavy doors.

“Ah, there you are.” Skulduggery said as Valkyrie walked into another room.

“This place is massive.” She said as she looked around, the roof was up high, and Valkyrie was certain she saw actual bats hanging from the fixtures. She shivered.

“Did you get lost?”

“I just took the chance to look around.” She shook her head, looking at the room. It was dark, despite the sun shining and the window shade’s drawn open. Castle 1, Sun 0 she thought.

“A-ha.” He affirmed.

She took in her surroundings without looking at Skulduggery but when she did a small gasp of surprise left her lungs.

“What in all of the bloody heck is that?” She hissed.

“Don’t be rude Valkyrie.” Skulduggery chided. “This is Lance.”

Lance was a person, at least he was a person _once_ , he looked up at Valkyrie, miserably.

“Why is he in a chair?” She whispered to Skulduggery

“Doesn’t matter. Lance has interesting information.”

“Fer a price.” The chair, Lance, spoke up at them, he sounded like he’d swallowed pillow stuffing. His face poking out from the material of the back.

Valkyrie was reminded of the beauty and the beast and all the cursed, singing household items characters. She silently prayed that Lance wasn’t the musical type, she didn’t think she could handle Skulduggery _and_ a singing chair.

“Ah, silly me, must’ve forgotten that.” Skulduggery shook his head.

“Best yer remember.”

“What information?” Valkyrie asked.

“Yer lookin’ fer Asustado, aye?”

“Indeed.” Skulduggery answered.

“He left in a mighty hurry this mornin’, knew somethin’ bout’ some locket.”

Both Skulduggery and Valkyrie locked gazes, eyes meeting void.

“Did he say where he was going?” Valkyrie said, looking back to the face in the chair.

“Nah.”

“Did he mention what he was going to do when he got his hands on the locket?” Skulduggery questioned.

“He might’ve,” Lance said. “I’ll tell yer’s _after_ yer get me to the sanctuary. I’m done with bein’ walked all over.”

“Don’t you mean sat all over,” Valkyrie mumbled to herself. “How are we going to get him back?” She said, louder.

“Valkyrie, can I talk to you for a second.” Skulduggery said, motioning for her to follow him out of the room.

She followed.

“What’s your plan here?” Valkyrie whispered.

“I wasn’t planning on actually holding up my end of the bargain.”

“Charming.”

“Looks like we’ll have to, can’t as well just _beat_ it out of him. He might break, he’s quite fragile.”

“He does look vintage, what if we just tie him to the roof of the Bentley?”

Skulduggery looked at her.

“No.” He said.

“Well, that’s all I got, unless you’ve got something better?” She said, moving past him, walking back into the room.

“My poor car.” Skulduggery sagged and followed her back.

“We’re going to take you back to the sanctuary,” Valkyrie said.

“Aye.”

“But you’d better tell us what Asustado is planning or we’ll leave you here.”

Lance’s lip curled upwards.

“Why should I trust yer?” He asked.

“We’ve all you got.”

“He’s gonna invert the planet.” Lance relented, obviously not wanting to be left behind. “Usin’ the magic from the locket.”

“Can he do that?” Valkyrie asked.

“It’s possible.” Skulduggery answered. “Probably.”

She sighed. Great, she thought, just what she needed today.

\---

China hated the new sanctuary. It was dirty, rushed, lacking the lustre of sanctuaries previous, or her library, that had been regrettably blown up, nothing could compare to her beautiful library. There was no system in the new sanctuary that could even try to live up to her organisational systems and, worst of all, she loathed the new medical staff.

“Stop moving.” Nye snapped as he stitched up her forehead, China couldn’t help but move every time his hands grazed over her skin. He was revolting, leathery skin and weird, scab nose.

“You’ll get a scar.” He said once she moved again out of reflex.

She hoped there wouldn’t be a scar; she was too pretty for that. China kept her mouth in a tight line as he worked, forcing her muscles to lock in place.

“There. You’re done.” He said, stepping away, putting his instruments down. “You should be all healed in a few hours. Your companion, a different story.”

Nye left her with nothing more than that but sternly told her to rest before drawing her curtain closed and moving off to another room. She wasn’t having a very good day.

Lucas, on the other hand, was having the worst day imaginable. He could see inside himself, hands covered in his own blood from when he tried to push his internal organs back in again. He had gained consciousness sometime after China had called for help, took one look at his gaping stomach and promptly passed out again. He’d woken up again, halfway through surgery.

“Wh-“

“Don’t speak.” Nye said.

“Where am I?” He asked anyway.

“Did you not hear me?”

“No, yeah I di-“

“Don’t. Speak.” Nye snapped. “Do you want me to lose focus?”

“Lose focus?” He echoed.

“Lucas, are you aware where my hands are right now?”

He looked down at Nye’s hands, which were currently inside him, let out a soft ‘oh’ and passed out again.

\---

Life as a chair wasn’t all bad, Lance thought to himself, if you were more of the ‘wallflower’ type. He actually _liked_ his previous owner, a pretty girl with a nice smile. She kept him in the front room, where the sun shined on him and passers-by admired the chair in the window. It was a shame when she was murdered. It was a particularly gruesome murder, blood splattered on the walls, brain matter got on his upholstery and Lance, of course, had witnessed the whole thing.

It was a shame he hadn’t figured out how to speak then, her murderer walked free for a couple of years before he was murdered himself. Funny how life works out that way, Lucas had thought to himself, after hearing the news from passers-by as he sat in the second-hand shop.

Life got progressively worse when the old man with yellowed teeth and sunken eyes had bought him, he sat in a dark room with rats and all sorts of other rodents – Asustado, the worst of all the rodents that ran across him. It was then, Lance decided, he’d get out of this darn chair, even if it killed him first.

The skeleton and the girl had strapped him down on the roof of their impressive car, they used the ropes from the drapes Asustado never touched and looped them over him, tying him down. The skeleton had mumbled something about his car getting scratched as they hoisted him on the roof, the girl had worked silently. They pulled the ropes tight, shut the passenger doors and slid into the front.

He had a sudden fear that the ropes might break but didn’t get the chance to voice them as they pulled out onto the road, rather roughly.

“Bloody idiots.” He cursed but nobody could hear, and his words were carried off with the wind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God this fic is so fun to write, I can't wait for more adventure.  
> :-)


	7. That Long-Awaited Trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey,  
> I finally finished my re-read of all the Skulduggery Pleasant books. I did it in a very weird way, i read 3-9, then SPX 1-3, then the short stories and when I went for my week off I got 1-2 and finished them. I want to read the Maleficent Seven, but I picked up Demon Road again.  
> Hope you like the new chapter, bon appetit.  
> :-)

The sanctuary would have stood tall and proud, if this were any other dimension, a dimension where the secret was no longer a secret. A place where mages didn’t have to live in the shadows. But this wasn’t that dimension and so the sanctuary crouched, hidden from mortals with prying eyes, not that many mortals were in Roarhaven anyway, but open for those who knew of it.

Skulduggery and Valkyrie got halfway to the entrance before giving up, letting the chair they were carrying fall to the ground with the sound of heavy wood-on-cement and an ‘ouch.’

“What in the bloody hell did yer’s do that fer?” The man with the strange accent asked, his voice slightly muffled.

“You’re heavy.” Valkyrie complained.

“Yer don’t get lighter sittin’ around for decades.”

Skulduggery raised an eyebrow, the façade he wore was handsome and his eyes a deep brown. Valkyrie sighed, took Lance by the front legs and started to drag him.

“That hurts ya’ know.” He drawled in whatever accent he had; Valkyrie couldn’t figure out what it was.

“Not my problem, you’ll be inside soon enough.” Valkyrie firmly said, letting her frustration show.

Lance grumbled and sharply yelled in pain when he was dragged over a bump, they struggled to manoeuvre him through the narrow doors of the sanctuary and struggled even more with the staircase down. Valkyrie paused, looking at Skulduggery, a silent question on her pleading face and Skulduggery shrugged his shoulders in response. She grinned an impish grin and let go of the chair, giving the back of it a gentle shove with her foot. They both stood at the top of the staircase, watching it roll and bounce, Lance yelping all the way.

“Efficient.” Skulduggery commented.

“Practical.” Valkyrie replied.

They nodded to each other, job well done, as they followed Lance down.

The chair landed at the bottom with a final thud and a gruff voice spluttering curses, the sanctuary’s administration officer, Tipstaff, just happened to be passing by. He stopped in his tracks, looking up from his clipboard in mild confusion and, as if to answer, Skulduggery and Valkyrie walked into his line of sight.

“Ah.” Tipstaff said. “That explains it.”

“We’re gonna need Dr Nye.” Valkyrie stated, looking at Lance. He was facedown on the floor, his armrests propping him up.

“I’m afraid he’s quite busy at the moment, with China and your friend Lucas.”

“What?” Both Valkyrie and Skulduggery snapped their gazes up to the administrator.

“They’ve been attacked.” Tipstaff simply said, as if they should already know.

“Why weren’t we informed?” Valkyrie hissed, low and dangerous.

“I don’t understand, you should have been called right away.” Tipstaff stammered through the sentence like a drunk man stumbles home.

Somethings not right, Valkyrie thought, but she was snapped out of her thoughts when Lance snapped angrily up at them.

“Is nobody gerna help me up?”

“Skulduggery, would you be a dear?” Valkyrie rubbed at her temples.

Skulduggery lifted Lance back up with his foot.

“Oh, dear.” Tipstaff exclaimed when he glimpsed at the face popping out of the back of it.

“Tipstaff, Lance. Lance, Tipstaff.” Skulduggery introduced.

Lance glared; Tipstaff paled a little.

“I’ll take him to the medical wing.” Tipstaff said.

“We’ll come with you.” Skulduggery replied, dragging him off. “He’s got information we need.”

The walk to the medical wing was quiet and short, Tipstaff lead the way and Valkyrie trailed behind Skulduggery, who was dragging Lance with him. They walked through the double doors just as one of Nye’s assistants was wheeling Lucas out of surgery. Lucas was unconscious and he looked awful.

“Is he okay?” Valkyrie asked the assistant.

“Probably.” The assistant replied, shrugging her shoulders and continuing on her path.

Dr Nye walked out of the same room a few moments later, his gloved hands covered in blood, some of it was splattered up on his apron and on his shoes.

“Dr Nye,” Tipstaff addressed. “Detectives Pleasant and Cain.”

“We know each other.” Skulduggery said. Tipstaff nodded, went back to his clipboard and promptly walked out.

“Yes?” Nye asked.

“We have a patient for you.” Valkyrie answered.

“Where?”

Skulduggery gestured to the chair, more specifically Lance’s protruding face.

“Interesting.” Nye said, looking over Lances frame. “How did this happen.”

“The chair,” Lance replied. “jus’ swallowed me whole.”

“Can you fix him?” Skulduggery asked.

“I could try.”

“Excellent.” Valkyrie turned to Lance. “We’ve brought you to one of the most advanced magic-science centres in the world.”

“Tell us what we want to know.” Skulduggery finished.

“Alright, alright.” Lance relented. “Only cause’ yer kept yer end of the bargain.”

“Well?” Valkyrie was getting impatient.

“Asustado is gerna’ use the magic in yer locket boost his power.”

“We know that’s what the locket does.” She replied.

“Let me finish,” Lance snapped, Valkyrie glared. “He’s gerna boost his power and loop it back into the locket. When he’s ready, he’ll use that power to put strain on the atmosphere.”

“He’s planning on world destruction.” Skulduggery murmured to himself.

“He’s gerna invert the planet.”

“Wonderful.” Valkyrie chimed.

“Do you know where he’s planning on carrying out his plan?”

“Nah.”

“Am I interrupting something?” China asked, pretty smile on her stitched-up face.

“China.” Skulduggery greeted and suddenly decided he’d rather be somewhere else. He turned to Valkyrie. “I’m going to talk with Ghastly.”

“I’ll be right with you.” She nodded to him and he swiftly walked out.

Dr Nye took this as an opportunity to take Lance into the back room, the creature muttered curses as he struggled with the pure weight of it.

“Hey,” Valkyrie shouted once Dr Nye was out of sight. “Be careful with that. He’s vintage!”

She turned her attention back to China. “What happened?” She asked.

“He found us, I don’t know how, he knew were Lucas was, almost nobody knows where my new place is.” China said, dainty arms crossing over her chest. “He’s a magiphase.”

“A magiphase?”

“He can absorb powers, like a copycat.”

“That’s irritating.”

“Indeed.”

“What happened to Lucas?” She asked.

“He used my power symbol to rip to locket out of him.”

“Oh, ouch.” Valkyrie shivered. “Do you think he’s going to be okay?”

“Who knows.” China said.

“I’d better let you rest. Thanks for your help.” Valkyrie sensed the conversation getting awkward and took the chance to get out of there.

China waved her off and Valkyrie left the medical wing, going to find Skulduggery.

\---

The locket gleamed, reflecting the sun with a sparkle and Asustado’s usually dead eyes glinted with excitement as he inspected it in the light. He felt the power within the tiny piece of jewellery, felt his own power boost significantly and smiled, flashing yellow teeth.

He pocketed the artefact, the gravel crunching under his old boots as he trekked up to his castle. The door was missing from the hinges, his face converted into a snarl as he continued inside to find the said door lying a few metres from the doorway. Asustado searched every room on the bottom floor, looking for intruders.

There was an empty spot near the windows, the sun-bleached floorboards lighter than the one dark brown patch. His _favourite_ chair, his mind screeched, they took his _favourite_ chair. He shook, enraged as he stomped up the stairs, locket forgotten as he looked for whatever else was missing.

\---

The council chambers were bigger than the ones that used to be below the old waxwork’s museum, the three members that made up the council sat up, elevated on what looked like stage. Skulduggery and Valkyrie stood below them. She currently held the attention of the room as she talked.

“Then Asustado showed up, kicked the crap out of China and stole the locket right out of Lucas’s stomach.” Valkyrie filled in. “China says he’s a magiphase.” She finished.

“Which explains the dead man with the purple skin.” Skulduggery filled in.

“How?” Elder Mist asked, her voice controlled, as if she couldn’t give a care in the world, like they were talking about dinner.

“Lucas’s father has the same adept ability as him, the skin thing, that’s how he died.” Valkyrie finished.

“Do we know what he’s planning?” Grand Mage Erskine asked.

“Yes, but we don’t know where he is.”

“What does he want with the locket?” Elder Mist pressed.

“World destruction.” Skulduggery answered, not offering any details.

“Find him.” Elder Ghastly said.

“We will.” Valkyrie nodded and the pair left the council, letting the heavy doors swing shut behind them.

Ghastly sighed, banging his head on the table in front of him, Erskine itched his neck through his robes, irritated, and Mist sat there, expression veiled by the black cloth that obstructed her face.

\---

“So what now?” Valkyrie asked, the door swinging shut behind her.

“We find Asustado, _before_ world destruction.”

“Obviously.” Valkyrie rolled her eyes and remembered something. “Oh!”

“What?”

“I just remembered,” She dug around her coat pocket, pulling out a, now, crumpled photograph. “I found this while I was looking in the upper rooms of the castle.”

“You just remembered the evidence you found?” Skulduggery said, dryly.

“Hey, I was pre-occupied with the chair thing.”

“Let me see. “ He held out his hand and Valkyrie handed him the photo.

Skulduggery studied the photograph carefully, both figures smiling and flipped it over to read the inscription on the back, just as Valkyrie had done. _Asustado and Clarice, 1781._

“Clarice.” Skulduggery read aloud.

“Do you know her?”

“No, I think it’s finally time to go on our long-awaited trip to the archives.”

Valkyrie groaned.

“Hush, it’s what detectives do. It’s not always about punching and throwing fire at bad guys.”

“But I _like_ throwing fireballs at bad guys.”

“Fair point, let’s go.”

“Fine,” Valkyrie huffed. “I’m going to check up on the reflection first, I haven’t been home in a few days.”

“You know where the archives are, come find me when you’re done.” Skulduggery waved her off and started to walk down the long corridor before turning sharply. “If you’re not there in 10 minutes I’m coming back to drag you down myself.”

Valkyrie laughed.

“Fine, fine.”

Skulduggery left her in the middle of the hallway, she fished her phone out of her back pocket and dialled her reflections number. Skulduggery had bought the reflection a burner cell, it was better than calling home, accidentally having a conversation with whichever parent answered and suddenly realising you were supposed to be upstairs doing trigonometry.

“Hello?” The reflection answered.

“Is everything all right?” Valkyrie asked.

“Everything’s fine. Your mum made lasagne for dinner, dad accidentally lost the TV remote again and Alice is great, we’re babysitting on Saturday.”

“I’m sorry, what did you just say?” Valkyrie asked, noticing the slip-up.

“We’re babysitting this weekend.” The reflection repeated.

“No, you just called dad – my dad – dad.”

“Did I?”

“You did.”

“Must be another malfunction.”

Valkyrie hummed in agreement.

“I probably won’t be home for a couple days; we’ve got a pretty big case. Are you going to be okay?”

“Don’t worry, your life will still be here when you get back.” The reflection replied.

“Okay, well, bye.”

“Bye.”

Valkyrie hung up and ignored the rotten, sinking feeling in her stomach. She couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was very wrong with her reflection, she shoved the thoughts away and continued down the hallway.

“There you are.” Skulduggery said, cheerfully, as Valkyrie slipped into the archives and slumped down in one of the chairs.

“Here I am.” She said, sulking.

“Here’s your stack.” Skulduggery said, dumping a pile of files in front of her.

“Hey, how come I’ve got more than you?”

“Because I’ve been here longer.”

Valkyrie stuck her tongue out at him, knowing full well that he couldn’t do it back without his façade.

“So childish.”

“You love it.”

Skulduggery laughed, velvet, smooth, like dark chocolate. Oh man, Valkyrie thought, she’d kill for some chocolate right now.

They both read in silence for a few minutes, before Valkyrie got bored and was content at just staring again. She looked at Skulduggery, curiously, dragging her eyes across his skull. She wondered how many of the marks and cuts he had were from fighting.

“Do you need something?” Skulduggery asked, not looking up from his file.

“Do you think the sanctuary has a vending machine?” Valkyrie blurted.

“I’m not sure, I don’t think so.”

She sagged back in her seat, acting disappointed.

“Why? Have I forgotten to feed you?” He asked, looking up at her this time.

“Ha-Ha.” She fake-laughed. “No, just _really_ want some chocolate.”

im.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll probably be slowing down how much I post, but who knows.  
> Catch ya on the flip.  
> :-)


	8. The Idiot and The Chair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ya'll,
> 
> Is new chapter. :-)

When Skulduggery returned, chocolate bar in hand, to the confines of the archives Valkyrie was already asleep. Her head resting uncomfortably on the hard, steel desk, hunched over, hair loose. He placed the candy next to her face, peeling off his suit jacket to blanket over her shoulders and sat down.

He gently gestured and the air swirled around his open hand, he flicked his wrist in a ‘come-hither’ motion and one of the cabinet drawers opposite him slid open with a groan of metal on metal. Skulduggery stole a look at Valkyrie, still sleeping, and turned his attention back to the case files slowly drifting towards him. He caught one in his open hand and let the others stack neatly in a pile. The file held nothing of interest, an investigation into one of the foreign sanctuaries that didn’t exist anymore. The next two files were also duds, just small-scale theft and a murder case that solved itself. Literally, the murderer _was_ the lead detective.

Skulduggery imagined that if he had muscles, they’d be aching and if he had eyes, they’d be closing. He felt tired, but he also knew that _technically_ he couldn’t be tired. He felt it, deep down.

Valkyrie shifted in her sleep, mumbling something, eyebrows knitting together, face scrunching up. Her breathing erratic, the mumbling was faster. The harder Skulduggery listened the more he was sure that she wasn’t mumbling at all.

“Hey,” He said, gently shaking her. “Wake up.”

Her eyes snapped open and she quickly sat up in her chair, breathing coming easier when her eyes fell on Skulduggery.

“Are you okay?” He asked, reaching out his hand to place it on her back, rubbing slow, soothing circles, calming her down even more.

“Grand. What’s the time?”

“A little past half-two in the morning.”

“That’s early.”

“Perhaps we should take a break.”

“Did you find anything?”

“Not yet.”

“Then we should keep looking,” She paused. “Or work out where he’s planning on being? Maybe we should go back to Slade Castle, that’s his home, right?”

“It’s probably too late for that, he’s most likely gone into hiding already.”

“Then we should keep looking.” Valkyrie ran a hand through her tangled hand, stifling a yawn with the other.

“Come on.” He said, pulling her from the chair and handing her the candy bar. “Eat on the way.”

“ _Eat?_ In the _Bentley_?”

“Not _in_ the Bentley, on the way _to_ the Bentley.”

“Ah.” She unwrapped the chocolate, biting into it as she trailed off behind Skulduggery.

“Good?” He asked as she bit down on it.

“Mhm.” She replied, letting the sweetness alight her mouth, coating her teeth.

“Good.”

“Do you think the world’s going to end tonight?” Valkyrie asked, thinking of home.

“No. I think we’ll catch Asustado before that happens.”

Skulduggery opened Valkyrie’s door for her, not that she couldn’t herself, but she was starting to slur her words, tiredness settling back in. She fell into the passenger seat and he settled down into the leather beside her, sliding the key in the ignition and turning.

“My place or yours?” Skulduggery asked, but Valkyrie was already asleep.

He drove in silence, each jolt of a speed bump or a sharp turn not enough to rouse her from her sleep. She must have been tired, Skulduggery thinks, and he can’t remember when the last day she slept was. It’s not entirely hard being a skeleton, not needing food puts extra money in his pocket and no need for sleep means he has extra hours to waste. But it also means that the days blur together and sometimes he wonders if Valkyrie has ever gone hungry because he hasn’t remembered.

The Bentley rolled to a stop as Skulduggery parked in his driveway, pulling Valkyrie into his arms and tucking her into the bed he bought just for her. She squirmed just a little, rolled onto her side and started to snore lightly and Skulduggery laughed low.

He sat in his big armchair and tried to meditate, tried to let his mind dull into nothing, but failed. He just had too much buzzing around in that skull of his, too many clever little thoughts.

\---

When Lucas awoke for the millionth time he was in a tiny room, on a tiny bed with thin, pristine white sheets. He tried to sit up but felt the hot, stabbing pain in his abdomen and remembered the events of that afternoon. He groaned as he gave up, letting himself fall back into the mattress, hitting the back of his head on the bedframe as he did.

“Ouch.” He yelped.

“Yer’ alright there?” A gruff voice asked, and Lucas tried his best to see who was talking to him, scanning the room.

“Down ere’” The voice said again.

Lucas propped himself up on his elbows and looked down.

“Oh,” Lucas choked on air. “I’m going insane. That’s what this is.”

“Yer’ nawt.”

“You’re a chair.” He gasped.

“Aye.”

“A _talking_ chair.”

“Aye.” The chair said again.

“A talking chair with a _face_.”

“Aye.”

“Am I in a Disney movie?”

“Yer’ takin’ this incredibly well.”

“I’m sorry. How did you end up, you know, all chair?” Lucas gestured at him.

“It ate me.” The chair deadpanned.

“The chair _ate_ you?” Lucas sat up in surprise and groaned as he eased his way back on his elbows. Note taken, he thought, don’t do that again.

“Aye.”

“Oh, wow. That’s, um, pretty impressive actually.”

The chair glared, top lip curling up, sneering at him.

“Is Dr Nye going to fix you?” He asked quickly, not wanting to induce the wrath of this particularly scary looking chair.

“Hopefully.”

“How?”

“Kid, if I knew, I wouldn’t _be_ a chair.” The chair pointed out.

“Fair point.”

“What’s yer’ name, boy?”

“Uh, Lucas?”

“Are yer’ askin’ or tellin’?”

“Telling. What’s yours?” Lucas asked, thoroughly intimidated.

“Lance.” The chair, Lance, replied, then asked, “How’d yer’ end up here?”

“Someone shoved their hand in my stomach.”

“Why?”

“I swallowed a pretty powerful locket.” Lucas blushed a little. He regretted swallowing that locket now, that was a bad move. Probably the baddest move in the history of bad moves.

“Wait,” Lance said, eyebrow raising. “Yer Lucas aren’t ya?”

“Yes… I just told you that?” He replied, confused.

“Naw, naw. That Lucas boy from the _Hendrick_ clan.”

Lucas stared at him for a minute.

“Yes.” He said, quietly.

“Aw man. That means Asustado has the locket, right?”

“Who?”

“The old guy, yellow teeth, gross hair.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. He does.” Lucas remembered the old man and shivered.

“Shit.”

“That’s bad, yeah?”

“Aye, is _plenty_ bad.”

“Do you know what he’s going to do with it?”

“Aye.”

“World destruction, right? That’s what all the bad guys do.”

“Aye.”

“Well, we have to do _something_.”

“Kid. I’m a chair and you’re an idiot. What could we possibly do?”

“You’re right.” Lucas slumped back, hitting his head on the bedframe again, yelping out in pain.

He closed his eyes, tried to ignore the strange breathing of the chair, and remembered something very important.

\---

Slade Castle might have been very beautiful, vintage brickwork rested behind the layers of mould and the floorboards once shined so bright it attracted many balls and parties. Like moths to a flame. Rooms were kept, kitchens scrubbed every night, furniture well looked after. But it was just Asustado now and Asustado was not a very nice man.

The interior of the castle was even more unkempt than usual, all thanks to the thieves that had taken his favourite chair. Asustado had spent hours looking for anything damaged or missing, he didn’t particularly care about the state of his castle. But his stuff was _his_ stuff, his mess was _his_ mess and he didn’t take kindly to strangers who kick off doors.

Asustado was an old man, his back ached, and his kneecaps struggled with every step he took, but he kept climbing, to the very top of the tower. He was aware that he _could_ move to one of the many vacant rooms on the lower floors, but sheer stubbornness wouldn’t allow him. Just as his stubbornness wouldn’t allow him to sell up and move somewhere else, somewhere _nice._

But he had memories in this castle, memories he actually liked. No matter how old he was, no matter how grumpy and disgusting, he liked it here. Here was his home, and he was willing to destroy it for the greater good. He was willing to destroy everything for the greater good, ensuring the destruction of everything magic. He hated magic.

Asustado’s room was trashed, it always was, he got to work, looking under furniture – no matter how much his frail body protested – and left nothing unturned. He looked in cupboards and cabinets, pulled out drawers until he knew what they had taken.

Shaking in anger he felt around in his pocket, pulling the locket out again. It was even more lovely in the moonlight. His eyes hardened as pure power swept through his veins, stalking back down to the ground floor to make his preparations.

Tomorrow night, he thought, tomorrow night he would have his revenge. 

\---

“Now who’s the one staring?” Valkyrie mumbled, not bothering to crack open her eyes or roll over to face the skeleton currently in her bedroom.

“I was about to wake you.” Skulduggery defended.

She rolled over to look up at him and he looked down at her, she scooted over and patted the space beside her. He sat, resting his tired back up against the pillows.

“Well,” Valkyrie said, staring up at the ceiling. “We’re not dead.”

“Indeed.”

“And the planets not destroyed.”

“A very good observation. You’ve got a keen eye, Miss Cain.”

“Thank you, Detective Pleasant.” She grinned.

“Hey,” Valkyrie said, suddenly realising what she was lying in. “Since when do you have a bed?”

“Since your sleepovers became a regular occurrence.”

“You got this for me?”

“I did, you were hogging my couch.”

Valkyrie snorted.

“Come on, my dear, we’ve got work to do.” Skulduggery said, getting up and offering his hand to help her up.

She took it and tripped when the top blanket refused to let go of her foot. He caught her in his arms, steadying them both.

“Thanks,” Valkyrie said, caught up in _not_ looking at Skulduggery to realise that she hadn’t pulled away.

“Are you okay?” He asked, not pulling away either.

“I’m grand.”

A loud growl cut through the moment like a sharp knife does softened butter, he tilted his head at her, and she pulled away.

“Was that your stomach?”

“Maybe.” Valkyrie laughed.

“I’ll see what I have in the fridge, or we can get you something on the way.” He said, laughing along with her.

“I’m going for a shower.”

“Probably a wise decision.”

Valkyrie socked him in the arm and laughed, stepping around him to make her way to the bathroom.

The shower was warm over her skin, her bones cracked and popped when she stretched out, not bothering to stifle a yawn when the urge hit. She dressed quickly, pulling out fresh clothes from her stash, brushing her teeth with the toothbrush she kept in the bathroom and bounded down the stairs with a renewed vigour.

“Feeling better?” Skulduggery asked from the kitchen.

“Yep.” She said, walking into the room.

“Unfortunately for you, there’s nothing in the fridge.”

“Damn.”

“What do you want for breakfast?”

“Coffee.”

“What do you want to _eat_ for breakfast?”

“Whatever the coffee place has.”

Skulduggery sighed, pulled the keys to him with the air and followed Valkyrie to the front door.

“Wait.” She said and he stopped in his tracks.

“What is it?”

“Hat.” She turned around to face him.

“Hat?”

“Where is your hat?”

“Ah. Wait here.” Skulduggery went off to choose a hat.

The room was filled with exquisitely tailored suits, ties, hats and shoes, it wouldn’t be hard to simply pluck a hat from the various stands and tables said garments sat on. But someone of Skulduggery’s calibre knew better than that, picking a hat wasn’t as easy as just picking one. It had to match, one had to select the best hat for the job.

“Hurry up, Skulduggery!” Valkyrie yelled from downstairs.

Skulduggery picked up the closest hat, black with a grey band, and re-joined her back downstairs.

“Ready?” She asked.

“Ready.” He replied.

“Well, let’s go then.”

And so they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is almost finished! So close I can taste it, it's been a lot of fun writing this and I think I've learnt a lot from it.  
> Hope you enjoyed! :-)


	9. Actual Detective Work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!  
> I hope everyone's self-quarantine is relaxing, enjoy this update while you stay away from people. Unfortunately, I'm a healthcare provider so I can't self-quarantine but I've been washing my hands like crazy.

The coffee shop was taunting her. A delicious, fragrant scent wafted from the building as Valkyrie walked past the window, spying an entirely too long line. She grumbled, pushing the door open, the little bell ringing her arrival, glowering as some of the patrons turned to look at her while she joined the back of the line. Skulduggery didn’t believe in drive-thru’s, Valkyrie knew he did it just to annoy her. She waited, stomach growling at her, people looking at her, until she reached the front of the line.

‘Heya, welcome to Pause Café, what can I get for ya’ on such a beautiful morning?’

The blonde girl behind the counter was cheerful, big smile with doe eyes. Drastically different from the usual service, high college kids, dopey with a dead-eyed stare, auto-piloted. She must be new, Valkyrie thought, customer service hasn’t beaten all the kindness out of her yet.

‘Can I get a large coffee please, 3 shots. And one of your cherry Danishes.’

‘Oki doki poki, anything else?’ The still-smiling girl asked, punching in her order while the noticeably less cheerful girl next to her wrote on a cup.

‘No, thank you.’

‘Dine-in or take-away?’

‘Take-away.’

‘Okay, that’ll be $12.50.’

Valkyrie gave the lady exact change and stood off to the side to wait for her order.

‘What took you so long?’ Skulduggery asked when Valkyrie finally slid back into the Bentley.

‘Line long, coffee now.’ She spoke around a large mouthful of pastry, her stomach still screaming at her for some damn food.

‘Be careful with that. If you spill anything in my pristine car, it’s coming out of your pay.’ Skulduggery warned.

‘Okay, first of all,’ She swallowed, “Your car is exactly one scratch away from completely shitting itself over the brink of no return’ She sipped from her coffee. “And two, I get paid?’

‘It was metaphorical.’

‘I should get paid.’

‘Not now. We catch the bad guys now, then I’ll give you a dollar for your efforts.’

‘Rude.’ Valkyrie said, slumping back into her seat, purposely biting into her Danish in such a way that the pastry went all over the floor.

‘I saw that.’

‘Saw what?’ She smiled; cheeks full of food as Skulduggery sighed.

A nurse from the medical wing hurried out to get Valkyrie and Skulduggery once they entered the Sanctuary.

‘Lucas has requested you.’ He informed, spinning on his heel and heading back the way he came, a silent indication to follow.

Valkyrie glanced at Skulduggery, sipping deeply from her cup, he shrugged in response, following closely behind the nurse. Valkyrie drained the rest of her cup, throwing her trash away into the nearest can before walking after Skulduggery.

‘Do you know what Lucas wants?’ Valkyrie asked the nurse but got no answer as he dropped them off outside the patient ward and hurried off to wherever.

‘Well, that was just rude.’ She commented, pushing open the set of large white doors in front of her.

‘Indeed, he was very strange.’ Skulduggery agreed, following her into the patient suite.

Lucas was awake, sitting up in his bed, shirtless save for the bandages that wrapped around his lower stomach and wove up his torso, his eyes were fixed out the window.

‘Lucas.’ Skulduggery said, Lucas whipped his head around in response.

‘Hi.’ He said. ‘I have information for you.’

‘What information.’ Valkyrie said.

‘Asustado, he had a daughter.’

‘A daughter?’

Lucas nodded, ‘He mentioned it once, at the end of a letter, she was murdered.’

‘Clarice?’ Skulduggery questioned, remembering the girl in the photograph, his hunch proving correct as Lucas spoke.

‘Yeah, that’s her. Apparently, the sanctuary covered it up, a big mess – swept under the rug.’

‘And you’re just telling us this now?’ Valkyrie asked, arms crossed over her chest.

Lucas shrugged. ‘It was one of the first I’d received, and, if you haven’t noticed, I’ve been pre-occupied.’

‘I deduce more file flipping for us.’ Valkyrie groaned.

‘You would be correct.’ Skulduggery affirmed.

‘Sometimes, I _hate_ being the best detective.’ She sagged, following Skulduggery back down to the Magical Room of Magic Files.

‘Good news for you,’ He said, walking straight over to the cabinet furthest away from the door and pulling out one of the drawers. ‘This won’t take very long.’

‘Why?’

‘Because I know what file we need.’

‘How come you didn’t just grab the file before?’

‘Because I like watching you suffer.’

‘Wow, thanks.’ She dryly replied, watching him finger through the files until he found the once he was looking for.

‘I’m joking.’ He said in that smooth voice. ‘Lucas just provided us with a helpful clue.’

‘Lucas? Helpful?’

‘Yes, it does come as a surprise.’

‘More like a miracle.’

‘Uh-oh.’ Skulduggery said.

‘Uh-oh? Why uh-oh?’ Valkyrie asked.

Skulduggery turned the file around so Valkyrie could read the words stamped on the front.

‘It’s empty.’

‘God damnit.’ Valkyrie slammed her hands on the table. ‘Classified?’

‘Seems so.’ He exhaled, wind whistling through his teeth.

‘I thought that kind of stuff only happened in movies.’

‘Luckily for us, we have Ghastly.’

‘Yay.’ She replied, monotone.

‘This shouldn’t take long.’

\---

It took long, the Elders were in a very long, boring meeting that spanned over the course of a few hours. Even with the priority of the situation, Tipstaff refused to patch into the room to get the records unsealed because the meeting was ‘a priority of the highest order.’ Valkyrie wasn’t one for waiting, maybe it was her upbringing as an only child, maybe it was Skulduggery’s influence, but she was a few minutes away from walking up to the Elder’s conference room and kicking the door in.

‘Don’t do it.’ Skulduggery scolded like he could read her thoughts.

‘Do what.’ She feigned innocence, sliding down the wall and crossing her arms over her chest as she sat.

‘Kick down the door.’ He said flatly, skull still pointed forward, she assumed he was staring ahead.

‘Ok, I’ll bite. How did you know I wanted to kick the door in?’

‘Because I was thinking the same thing.’

Valkyrie smirked. ‘We’ve never been very patient.’

‘No, no we haven’t.’

‘Technically, we have priority.’ She reasoned, weighing their options.

‘A very good point.’

‘This matter is…’ She trailed off, thinking. ‘Is a matter of life and death!’ Valkyrie finished, in an a-ha tone.

‘A matter of world destruction.’ Skulduggery concurred.

‘So you agree.’

‘Agree with what?’

‘That we should kick in the door.’

‘Well, I’m not saying no.’

Valkyrie smirked, looking around for Tipstaff before getting to her feet, striding over to the locked door and kicking it squarely in the middle. It flew off its hinges and Valkyrie rolled into the room for an added flair, Skulduggery walked in behind her. Elder Erskine looked like a fish out of water, his mouth opening and closing a few times before he elected to keep quiet, glancing over at Grand Mage Ghastly, who had closed his eyes – being done with the whole situation. Elder Mist was the only one who showed no signs of surprise, as she usually showed no signs of anything under her creepy veil.

‘Grand Mage?’ The voice on the intercom sounded.

‘Yeah,’ He replied. ‘We’ll have to call you back.’

A muffled protest came from the other line, but it was shut off before Valkyrie could make anything important out.

‘Was there something you two needed?’ Ghastly asked.

‘A file unsealed.’

‘You barged into a very important meeting to get a _file_ unsealed?’ Erskine gaped.

‘It’s for the case.’ Valkyrie reasoned.

Ghastly held out his hand for the file, which Skulduggery gave him and in a few seconds, the file was deemed unsealed.

‘There.’ Ghastly handed back the file. ‘I love you guys, I really do. But never do that again.’

‘Noted.’ Valkyrie nodded, walking out of the room without so much as a glance back.

Skulduggery grabbed the door from the ground, propping it back up against the frame before giving the Elders a little wave before slipping through a gap the broken door made.

Tipstaff was less than pleased to find out what had occurred in the conference room but had handed them their required file anyway. The file was on a girl called Clarice Fenburn.

‘Born in 1771, died in 1786,’ Skulduggery murmured.

‘Murdered?’ Valkyrie asked, tiptoeing up to look over his bony shoulder.

‘Murdered.’ He nodded.

‘Buried not too far from here.’

‘Do you think Asustado would go there?’

‘To hide?’ Skulduggery asked. ‘No, probably not. He must know we’re after him now.’

‘Look, the anniversary date is a few days away.’ Valkyrie pointed to the bottom of the document where the extended information was listed. ‘Possible end-of-the-word avenge date?’

‘Possibly.’

‘Does it say how she was murdered?’ Valkyrie asked, her eyes trailing over the page but not finding what she was after until Skulduggery flipped the page over.

Valkyrie cursed and snatched the document away from Skulduggery, bringing it closer to her face. A detailed report was on the page after the preliminary findings, along with a coroner’s report and a few crime scene photos.

‘Well, that’s…’ Skulduggery trailed off, not finding the right words.

‘I feel sorry for her.’ Valkyrie said after a moment of studying the report. ‘Was this covered up?’

‘I didn’t hear of it.’ He said gently.

‘I thought cover-ups only happened in bad movies.’

‘You think anything only happens in movies.’

‘Well, that’s because things happen in movies.’ She retorted, shutting the file and handing it back to Skulduggery.

‘Very observant.’

‘We should talk to Ghastly, ask if he knows anything about this.’

‘We need to find Asustado, if he’s planning on taking revenge on behalf of his daughter, it’ll be tonight.’

‘Because of the anniversary?’

‘Exactly. Where would a madman go to bring about the end of the world?’ He asked, testing.

‘His happy place?’ She deadpanned.

‘Ha-Ha.’ Skulduggery mock laughed, ‘No. Think, why does he want to bring about the end of the world.’

‘Revenge, his daughter was brutally murdered and there was probably no punishment for the criminal.’

‘Exactly, so…’ He prompted, waiting for her highly intelligent gears to turn, catching up to where he already was. God, he was such a _genius._

‘The gravesite.’ She concluded.

‘Bingo.’ He affirmed, walking over to where Tipstaff was typing at his admin computer and giving back the file.

‘Now?’ Valkyrie asked. ‘Should we wait for him to show?’

‘Precisely, a good ol’ fashioned stakeout.’ Skulduggery fished in his pocket and jingled the Bentley keys in front of her face while Valkyrie rolled her eyes.

\--

Asustado stalked the lot of the graveyard, moving past headstones and overgrown grass. The trees were bare, thick fog permanently settled over the expanse of the cemetery and a chill clawed its way up his back as he stood in front of his daughter’s grave.

Someone might have mistaken him as an unfortunately sculped gargoyle if anyone was around. Hunched over the grave, chain wrapped around his right hand while the locked dangled from his palm, ugly face snarling with the memory of his daughter’s body, brutalised on the street. The mages hurrying to cover it up to the mortal world, covering it up in the sorcerer’s world also. Tonight, he would have his revenge, the locket caught a glint even though no sunlight could pierce through the grey.

He was old, his old age seeped into his bones like water did a sponge. He couldn’t wait to wring himself out with the magic residing in the locket’s core. Asustado crouched into the foliage, his daughter’s gravestone on his back, he felt his magic flow through him, like a dull ember in a snowstorm. But he also sensed the magic flowing through the locket, like a forest fire, snow melting in the wake of its immense power. He pushed his magic through to the locket, feeding it new power but before he let it go completely, he activated his adept ability, mimicking that of the locket.

Asustado smiled a wicked smile, his face scrunching up like a pile of wet rags, browned with age and use, as he felt the locket re-route back into his own magic reservoir while the locket was fed with his own. Magic filtered through the artefact, back into himself and back into the relic, rinse-lather-repeat. He felt the magic get stronger with each filtration, he just had to wait until the right moment. Magic poured throughout his entire being, it made him sick to feel the foreign power surge through his old and frail body, but he knew what was coming. The reckoning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone, please stay safe!  
> If you're up for a chat, hit me up on my socials! :)


	10. Case Over

There was no time to call home alone, so Valkyrie dialled her own phone from The Bentley.

'Hello?' The reflection said, she could hear Alice babbling in the background, she could only imagine her younger sister on the hip of her double, the more available one of them both.

'Hey, it's me.' Valkyrie replied, calm and collected. She'd had much practice at 'end-of-the-world' check-ins with the reflection, with feeling like an unavailable older sister.

'Hello.' It said in acknowledgement.

'Skulduggery and I are heading off to a potential scene if something happens…' Valkyrie trailed off, hyper-aware of Skulduggery beside her in the car.

'I take over your life, love our parents, protect your sister.' It replied Valkyrie didn't miss the use of 'our' in its sentence. She didn't say anything about it, not wanting Skulduggery to find out yet, instead, she stayed quiet for a moment.

'I'll call you if we survive.' Valkyrie said instead.

'I'll be waiting.' It said before Valkyrie hung up, sliding her phone into her pants.

'Everything good?' Skulduggery said, picking up the subtle tone-shift in Valkyrie's voice.

'Everything's grand.' She replied, not offering an explanation, ending the already short conversation.

'Should we have informed the Ghastly and the others we were doing this?' She spoke up after a few quiet seconds.

'Since when have we ever followed the rules?' Skulduggery questioned back, a hint of amusement in his voice at her sincerity.

'Just wondering.' Valkyrie let her eyes trail out of the window in the passenger seat, staring at the flashes of street passing by.

'If we're going to save the world from mortal peril, I'd like to take all the credit.'

'Hey, not all of it.'

'You can have a little bit, just a sliver.'

'50-50'

'70-30'

'Non-negotiable.' She crossed her arms over her chest in fake protest.

Skulduggery grunted but didn't add anything more, focusing his attention on the road, the skies darkening, streetlights brightening. He rolled the car to a soft stop a few blocks away from the cemetery. They both got out of the car, Skulduggery locked it behind them as they walked off in the direction of the graveyard they were looking for.

'I'll take your silence as a surrender.' She huffed out a laugh, following closely behind him as he navigated.

'I never surrender, now hush. Look over there.' He raised a gloved hand to gesture over to the entrance of the cemetery.

A grey fog seeped out of the tall black gates, the moonlight that peeked from the clouds above shone down directly on the metal. Valkyrie thought of all the cliché' vampire movies she'd seen and shuddered. They crept past the gates, deeper into the mist until it felt like they were wading through water with how thick it had become. Skulduggery held up a hand and Valkyrie paused.

'Do you feel that?' He asked over his shoulder.

'Creeped out? Yeah, Skulduggery, we're in a cemetery, there are literal dead people beneath our shoes.'

'There's a dead person standing in front of you, speaking to you at this moment.'

'You're different. You're you.'

'I'm flattered.'

'I'm glad you could take flattery from that.' Valkyrie smugly retorted.

He ignored her comment and pressed on, 'No, not the feeling I was going for.'

'What was the feeling you were going for?'

'Like, magic?'

'A disturbance in the force?'

'You're _hilarious_.'

'I am, aren't I.'

'Ok, Valkyrie focus.'

'You're the one who was distracted, Obi-Wan.' Valkyrie laughed quietly at her own joke, following behind Skulduggery, eyes trailing over every inch of the graveyard. It was quiet and the fog made it hard to see a few meters past her own nose.

'Are you finding it hard to see?' She asked but got no response as the fog swallowed up more of her vision.

'Skulduggery?' Great, he was gone. If she was going to have to babysit a runaway child, she would've at least liked to be running after an _actual_ toddler.

Valkyrie walked with her arms outstretched before her, she scanned the area for air disturbances and walked around with a general mind map of her surroundings. She walked forward, in the direction Skulduggery was going until she heard general sounds of a fistfight.

'Skulduggery?' She yelled, assuming their stealth had been blown. 'If you're fighting a bad guy and I'm not involved I'm going to be _really_ mad.'

'-cator!' Came Skulduggery's voice from beyond her vision, something bounced off her face and before she could catch it, it fell on the ground.

'What?' She shouted, confused. 'Did you just _throw_ something at me?'

Valkyrie crouched down and trailed her fingers through the blades of grass, her fingers catching on something metal, she felt around the shape of it. Keys.

'Get the Scarificator!' Came his voice again, this time closer.

'You want me to _drive_? The Bentley?'

'Just go!' He shouted, Valkyrie couldn't help but pick up on the struggle Skulduggery's voice was indicating and she ran, knowing the qualities the artefact had. It could help, especially against the locket.

She ran straight out of the gates, back through the streets until she came up to the gleaming car. Valkyrie was glad she had pressured Skulduggery into fitting the Bentley with automatic locks as she clicked the button, she got into the passenger's seat, cursed at herself, then got out to run around to the other side, sliding into the driver's seat and turning the key in the ignition. The car purred to life, effortlessly as always, she gave herself a second to figure out how to actually drive the Bentley. Skulduggery had never taught her, a fact she was going to use to her advantage if they survived this, she thought as she backed out of the parking space, silently praying there'd be less traffic on the road.

Skulduggery was currently fighting off a supercharged madman, he dodged as Asustado sent out a powerful mimic of his elemental attack, a wave of air hit him square in the chest and he was sent flying. He rolled when he landed, giving himself enough momentum to get himself upright to dodge again as a fireball flew past his face. His opponent was old and frail but the magic in the locket gave him a significant power boost, making up for his lack of speed or stamina. Another ball of fire flew at him, but this time he caught it with his chest.

'My _suit_.' He whined, rolling to extinguish it as another wall of air slammed at him. He prayed Valkyrie was having more luck than he was. And that his car would still be intact afterwards.

Valkyrie let out a scream as she swerved, narrowly avoiding something on the road, her movements were jerky as she gear shifted down a gear, switching a lane. She was relying purely on instinct, which she relied on more as she one-handedly pulled her phone out of her pocket and took her eyes off the road to call Ghastly.

‘Valkyrie?’ He answered.

She didn’t greet back but let out a yelp as she swerved again, missing an actual car this time.

‘What is happening’ Ghastly asked, alarmed.

‘Skulduggery’s in a fight,’ She said, her breaths coming frantic. ‘I’m driving.’

‘Good god, you’re _driving?_ The _Bentley_?’

‘No time for surprise, I need the Scarificator to take down the bad guy. I’m almost there.’ She pulled into the parking lot, hanging up before Ghastly could say anything else.

'I am the _best_.' She sighed, parking in an empty lot locking the car behind her, running into the building.

'The thing, I need the thing.' She huffed out at Tipstaff.

He looked at her, confusion painted over his face,

'C'mon Tippy, the _thing_. The…' Valkyrie trailed off, mentally kicking herself. 'The Scarificator!'

'Grand Mage Ghastly is the one who has it.'

‘Where is he?’ She asked.

Tipstaff looked down at his clipboard, flipping a few pages over before informing her that Grand Mage Ghastly had business to attend too and was not to be bothered.

'I was just on the phone with him. What room.'

'I'm afraid I can't te-'

Tipstaff yelped as Valkyrie grabbed him by the collar, pulling him towards her.

'Which. Room.' She asked again.

'Conference room A102.'

She didn't look back, leaving Tipstaff in her wake as she ran off to the conference room, not slowing for the closed door, body slamming it open.

'It's in my office, second drawer, it's unlocked. Go.' Ghastly ordered and she took off running again, snatching the artefact from the drawer and sprinting out again, Ghastly met her at the Bentley and she practically vaulted into the car and, he took the keys from her and speed off. All of her previous wariness was gone – adrenaline running through her body.

Skulduggery had lost an arm and he wasn't happy about it. His suit was burnt and torn in a few places, his ego was bruised, and he'd lost his hat. He was losing this fight, just keeping Asustado's attention long enough for Valkyrie to come back with the Scarificator, keeping him occupied long enough for Skulduggery to figure out a way for them to use it. His opponent hit him with another fireball and another part of his suit caught fire. Just when Skulduggery thought he was tiring him out, the locket filtered through more magic and Asustado was able to throw out another blow.

Valkyrie ran back through the fog, leaving Ghastly with the car, her mind map guiding her, she sprinted in the direction of Skulduggery's shouts and Asustado's grunts. She felt the Scarificator in her hand and thought her best bet would to rush at him and slice his arm or any other part of him, to catch him off guard. Her fingers caught on the latch, the blades slid out and Valkyrie was careful not to slice her own skin as she rushed forward.

'Ow!' Skulduggery reacted to the sudden collision as Valkyrie ran into him. 'Wrong person, wrong person!' He spun her around with his arm and gave a gentle push in the direction Asustado was.

'There, there, go!' He yelled out as she sprinted forward, colliding with the right target, falling on top of him and slamming the Scarificator down, blades catching skin. Asustado screamed with the impact and thrashed when he felt the magic being sucked out of him. He let go of the locket and it uncoiled from his hand with the fall, it bounced off the dirt and Valkyrie pushed at the air in its general direction to move it away from them. She could feel the amount of magic pouring out of Asustado's skin, like an afternoon breeze, barely there. Her vision was starting to clear as the fog was sucked out with the magic, filtering through the artefact and dispersing out in the air, the fog parted as the moonlight streamed down and the locket gleamed.

'Well, that can't be good for the environment.' Ghastly panted, catching up with them, his robes slowing him down. Asustado screamed, another bout of magic pouring out.

'No, I don't think so.' She said, looking up towards the sky, the night becoming clear as Asustado's magic was taken from him until it was all gone, and he was just a regular old man.

'Is it over?' Ghastly asked.

'It's over,' Skulduggery replied.

'That was rather anti-climactic.' Valkyrie said.

'For _you_.'

She let go of the Scarificator, Asustado moaned a little as it fell from his skin but didn't attempt to get up, weakened from the lack of magic.

'All that planning,' He muttered. 'For nothing.'

Valkyrie looked back at Skulduggery, getting to her feet.

'Your arms missing.' She stated, looking at his worn clothes.

'That it is.' He agreed.

'You got in a fight without me.'

'There'll be other fights.' He shrugged.

'There'll be other arms.' She quipped, arms crossing over her chest.

'I swear to everything that is ungodly, you'd better find my arm.'

Valkyrie laughed and knelt back down to cuff Asustado who had, conveniently, passed out.

'Can you call for backup?' Valkyrie asked Ghastly. 'I'm not dragging this back to the Bentley.' She punctuated her sentence with a gentle nudge of her boot against Asustado.

'You're stronger than that.' Skulduggery teased.

She glared at him and Ghastly nodded at Skulduggery, making him call for the cleavers.

'Find my arm.'

Valkyrie laughed, picking up the locket, feeling no magic reside in it and stalked off to find his arm.

\---

'Congratulations on saving the world,' Elder Erskine said, clapping Valkyrie on the back. ' _Again._ '

'It's basically in the job description at this point.' She smirked at him and he laughed, she followed him into the Elder's chambers where Elder Mist and Grand Mage Ghastly were already sitting, Skulduggery standing in front of them. Erskine took his chair beside Ghastly, Valkyrie stood beside Skulduggery, his arm newly attached, his suit fresh, hat placed expertly on his head.

'You're looking dapper.' She whispered to Skulduggery while they waited for the Elders to address them, the affair was very formal given the circumstances.

'As always.' He whispered back.

'You from an hour ago begs to differ.' Valkyrie snorted and the Elders looked at her, she raised her arms in apology.

'Well,' Ghastly addressed. 'I guess the world is safe for another day.'

'Our doors, however, is another story.' Elder Mist said, an heir of calm exuded from her. As if the averted crisis was nothing more than cold eggs for breakfast.

'Um, sorry?' Valkyrie offered.

'Nevertheless,' Elder Erskine interjected. 'Your work was exceptional; did we find out his motive?'

Valkyrie let Skulduggery explain the cover up of Clair Fenburn’s murder while she excused herself from the de-briefing, dialling the burner phone.

'Hello.' It greeted.

'I'm alive.' Valkyrie stated.

'I expected nothing less.' The reflection replied. 'Alice is sleeping, and your parents are still out.'

'Right. Well, I'll be home soon.'

'I'll be waiting.'

Valkyrie hung up, feeling better now that the reflection knew she was still alive, that her life wasn't for the taking, Skulduggery walked out a few minutes later.

'Everything okay?' He asked.

'Yup. We are done here?'

'We've been dismissed, yes.'

'Great. And what of the Scarificator? And the locket?'

'The locket goes to China, as promised.' Valkyrie glowered at the mention of China's name, Skulduggery ignored it, choosing to ignore anything to do with her. 'Ghastly took the Scarificator back, it could come in handy.'

'It could, it's powerful. It would have to be if Kenspeckle invented it.' She agreed.

'Home?' He asked, opening the Sanctuary door for her, the night air prickling her skin.

'Home.' She affirmed, smiling up at him, holding out a fist, he bumped it with his own.

Case over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it. My adventure has come to a close!  
> I'm very sorry if the last two chapters seemed rushed or OOC, my only excuse is that they were rushed. I've been busy and wanted to end the story before I forgot where I was taking it. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and take care! :)

**Author's Note:**

> xx


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